M-M-M-Mishy

Titans of their Industry

2008-08-01T19:35:00.009-04:00

My boyfriend and I often have inspirational conversations and thus I'm am now turning to the internet in an attempt to compile a Celebrity Big Penis List. Celebrities, politicians, sports figures... anyone well known, really. I am looking for you to tell me the celebrities who you know to have or are rumoured to have a big penis. If you've seen a big celebrity penis in person, well then I insist you provide the details of your amazing celebrity wang story.

Why am I doing this? Well, for one: I love knowing things like this because I am a secret pervert, and two: I want to see how many people find my blog because of their google searches. I suspect I will get a few "Celebrity+Penis+Size+HUGE+List+Size Queen" hits on my sitemeter.

Now for my list:

Ed Begley Jr.
Tobey Maguire
Tommy Lee
Tommy Lee Jones
Arsenio Hall
James Woods
Jim Nabors
Owen Wilson
Eddie Fisher
Tom Jones
David Bowie
Mikhail Baryshnikov
Donald Sutherland
Lou Reed
Paul Stanley
Hugh Beaumont
Bob Newhart
Huey Lewis
Vincent Price
Billy Bob Thorton
Robert Wagner
Jimi Hendrix
Ronald Reagan
Milton Bearle
Sean Connery
Prince William
Prince Harry
Dean Winters
Andrew Dice Clay
Dan Rather
Orson Wells
Dolf Lundgren
James Worthy
David Letterman
Harry Connick Jr.
Tony Danza
Willem Dafoe
Steve McQueen
Steve Martin
Ralph Fiennes

Going Stag

2008-07-20T20:39:00.003-04:00

I went to the movies by myself yesterday. I found it refreshing, if for nothing else, the confusion it causes other people in the theatre.

My boyfriend is not in town right now and he mentioned several times that he was going to see the new Batman movie, opening weekend, no matter what. Knowing him and his big mouth (he is somewhat of a gossip) I knew he was going to spoil it. I was also feeling somewhat anti-social, so I decided to head to the movies myself.

I bought my ticket, got my drink and snack, and the 13 year old boy ripped my stub (that sounds both kinky and painful). I walked into the theatre, found a seat and sat down. There was a bunch of people in there, but I managed to find an empty section. As time went on and no other person came and sat next to me, I could hear people behind me whispering. "Seriously, is that chick here by herself?" "I would never go to the movies by myself." "That is so weird." I'm sure my smirk over this added to their confusion.

Best part of the whole thing? Whenever I go to the movies with someone else, inevitably some jerk comes by and sits right next to me. Even if the theatre is wide open. It makes me crazy. Sending me completely over the edge is when the boyfriend says, "Oh who cares where people sit? Just let it go and enjoy the movie." No! I can't let it go. Why on earth would you want to sit right next to someone when if you moved up or down one row, you would sit with room on all sides?

Problem solved when you go by yourself. The theatre filled up quickly, but I had at least six seats on either side of me, plus no one in front or behind. Being a weird loner girl strikes fear into people.

Long story, but Batman was excellent, but the satisfaction of knowing people were trying to figure me out was fabulous.

What I'm Doing This Summer

2008-07-18T16:11:00.005-04:00

Sitting under my fan reminiscing about the good old days of air conditioning.
Learning American Sign Language.
Watching Oprah.
Hating my Environmental Poli-Sci class.
Getting paranoid about the fate of the world because of my Environmental Poli-Sci class.
Realizing that living with a couple instead of a single person is not fun.
Not driving anywhere.
Waging war against my absolutely terrible cell phone company.
Looking for a new apartment.
Attempting a little tan while avoiding sunburns.
Slowly integrating a more vegetarian diet.
Playing the lottery.
Hoping to win the lottery.
Being happy that I have only one more year of school.
Making plans for after graduation.
Summer patios and backyard BBQs.
Watching terrible summer reruns.
Wearing cute summer skirts.
Eating raspberries.
Maybe blogging more.

Debate!

2008-04-30T18:21:00.008-04:00

I've been gone for nine thousand years, I know. But I am done school for the semester, think I managed some good grades and am dumber and poorer than when I started.

School has taught me several important lessons though. I have learned how to grocery shop for one, how to pick a first year student out of a crowd of people within 6 seconds, and how to maximize my liquor to cost ratio while at the bar.

But, I have expanded my horizons as well. My friends and I have had several worldly and meaningful discussions about political topics. This is where I need you all to weigh in on an important issue. Please read the following question, ponder it, sleep on it if necessary and leave a comment with your thoughts. Don't rush into it though; its heavy subject matter that some of you may feel is a decisive issue. Ready?

Which one of these famous celebrity divas wins the Crazy Songstress crown?

A.) Crazy Mariah - She starred in Glitter and then had a breakdown. She was married to Tommy Mattola, divorced from Tommy Mattola and my have been the least crazy one in that marriage. She has over 1000 pairs of shoes and a dedicated closet the size of my apartment for them. When her shoes hurt her feet, she demands to be carried around by her employees. She makes her assistant hold her drink while she sips through the straw. She might be engaged to Nick Cannon who is eleven years younger and probably won't contribute to her sanity.

B.) Crazy J.Lo - She's created her own nickname and then tried to ban people from using it once she realized how stupid it is. Gigli. She actually thinks she's still Jenny from the block. She has been married three times, one to a guy who she dumped once she became more famous, one to a backup dancer who she divorced because she liked Ben Affleck more, and now, to a vampire. She was one half of the insanity that was "Bennifer". She was involved in a shootout with Sean "Puff Daddy, Puffy, Diddy, P. Diddy" Combs and was charged with felony gun possession. She might be a scientologist. She had 2 babies and sold the photos to People magazine for 6 million. She had on 47lbs of make up and instead of donating the money to charity like Brad and Angelina, she kept it. That tummy tuck wont pay for itself!

C.) Crazy Cher - She's dated Tom Cruise, Gene Simmons, David Geffin, Eric Clapton, Ricky Martin, Ray Liotta, Matt Dillon, John Heard, Elvis Presley, Marlon Brando, Eric Stoltz and Val Kilmer. She likes wearing feathers, leather and as seen in "If I Could Turn Back Time" video, she is a fan of bikini waxes and sailors. She managed to forge a singing career with that voice. She covered herself in tattoos and is now removing them. She is approximately 84% plastic and what is now her face used to be her tits. What is now her tits, probably used to be her knees. She has had at least 43 farewell tours.

D.) Crazy Celine - She met her future husband when she was 12. He was 38 at the time. She is possibly the most dramatic person ever to exist and when she gets upset, she becomes completely incoherent. Her son looks like her daughter. She wears backwards clothing to the Academy Awards. During her shows, she is either dancing or having a series of small seizures. She requires Bavarian figs, French cherries and crinkle-free chips for each show, plus a dedicated assistant to help her squeeze into and out of her elaborate dresses. She managed to create a completely, outrageously, over the top show... in Vegas.

E.) Crazy Whitney - Most of Whitney's crazy can be attributed to Bobby Brown and her dear friend, crack, but she's bananas in her own right. She goes and gets herself married to B. Bro, finds herself headed straight down crackpipe ally. She manages to take her career from "I'm Your Baby Tonight" to "Being Bobby Brown". She talked about her "doodiebubble" on national television. She managed to have her house repossessed. Now she's getting her shit together (although, word on the street is she has a major crack voice). She might be dating Ray-J, Brandy's little brother and that dude who peed on Kim Kardashian. She's 18 years older than him. Osama Bin Laden was (is??) allegedly obsessed with Whitney and may have plotted to kill Bobby Brown.

Note: No write ins. Britney wins the erratic behaviour award, but she isn't a diva. A diva has to have the talent to back the crazy up.

Bienvenue À Montréal!

2008-03-01T10:07:00.010-05:00

Montreal is an awesome city. Slightly less awesome if you are travelling with your anxiety-ridden mother who makes you positively insane for three solid days, but that should have been expected. Moving four hours away from her must have played havoc with my judgement and memory because really, the girl who lived with her mother for 23 years should have seen the headache coming.

Highlight of the trip? THIS:

That's right. I was 10 sexy yet blurry feet from the hot piece of ass that is Mr. James Blunt. Oh, I laughed, I cried, I swooned... but mostly I just texted friends during his songs describing the horror of it all.

Sorry for the crap photo. It seems Mr. Celebrity is a bit of a priss when it comes to cameras during his show. I've added another photo to this post so you can all truly understand how hot this man is while performing.

Hands off, ladies. This bad-boy is mine.

Im So Over This.

2008-02-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

NSFW.

No seriously. At first, I was all, "Go Al Gore! You're hot and you care about the environment!" and now all my thoughts are consumed with exactly how long I have to go without shaving my legs before I build up enough fur to protect myself from frostbite. (Note: seven weeks and counting.)

The First Step To My Mother Disowning Me

2008-01-30T08:33:00.000-05:00

I have a serious itch to get my first tattoo. I even have the design picked out. Don't worry, it's not something stupid that I know I will hate in two years and it's not exact same thing that every other girl has stamped on their lower back because they really want to show off how unique and creative they are. (Five of my friends have flowers, vines and their astrological sign inked on their bodies. Not my thing.)

The only problem is, I don't know where I want to get it. I don't want it on a place that is visible while wearing clothing because I am not planning to tell my mother about it until I am 72 years old. Arms, neck, upper back and lower legs are out. I don't want it on my boobs because, really... it's not sexy. I'd prefer it not to be on my stomach because I don't particularly like showing people my stomach and when people ask to see my tattoo, I'd prefer not to get all weird about it. So, hips, lower back, bum, thigh, or foot are probably my options. Even though I've heard that tattoos hurt less when they are done on fatty areas. So my foot would hurt a lot and a tattoo on my bum would be a very mild discomfort.

I need to find a tattoo artist who is good at what they do. I don't want a bad, gross, or distorted tattoo that is embarrassing to show. But, how do I know if they are good?

Do you have any tattoos? Regrets? Recommendations on body locations?

I Wonder If It Requests A Credit Check...

2008-01-21T19:56:00.001-05:00

Aside from the fact that it's now fucking cold out, nothing much is new with me. I'm working to get as many assignments completed before I leave, so I'm working overtime.

However, as someone who is taking second and third year university classes, I must say that I am a little concerned with some of my classmates. Because really, wikipedia is no where near a credible academic source. And seriously, if you don't know the difference between "tenant" and "tenet", you shouldn't be surprised when the professor writes on your paper: "no one pays rent to multiculturalism".

Jet Set Lifestyle

2008-01-03T18:55:00.000-05:00

First, lets start this off with a happy new year to everyone. Living in a house that suddenly has sketchy internet service has made it rather frustrating to communicate with the outside world. I'm entirely convinced it has something to do with my brother's levels of Neil Young music and porn downloading.

In a few weeks, my life is pretty much going to be comparable to that of a Jolie-Pitt. I'm going away for reading week. After thinking it over and ruling out the standard spring break destinations like Daytona Beach (too much NASCAR to have a truly relaxing vacation), Cancun (I don't feel I'm a girl who is willing to go wild enough), and South Beach (I failed at the diet, and would feel too guilty in that town in a bikini), I've picked a place. New York City. Eight days and seven nights in Manhattan.

Already, I have big plans: I want to go to Coney Island. I want to go to the aquarium. I want to go on the ferry. I want to see Times Square. I want to see Central Park. I want to go wild in Saks. I want to buy fake designer crap. I want to see Liberty Island, Roosevelt Island, Staten Island, Ellis Island, and if time permits, Rikers Island (they always go there on Law and Order!). I want to see a broadway play (I hear Xanadu calling my name). I want to go to the top of the Empire State Building and re-enact the scene from Sleepless in Seattle that was completely ripped off from An Affair to Remember. I want to tour the U.N. I want to go skating in Rockefeller Center even though I cannot skate. I want to dance on the giant piano keys in FAO Schwartz. I want to find celebrities and either tell them how much I love them, or tell them they are nothing but a douchebag (Alec Baldwin is on my douchebag list). I don't want to eat 75 cent hot dogs at Gray's Papaya, but I've been told I have to. I want to eat pizza that is so good it will forever ruin all other dough, tomato sauce, cheese combinations. I want to ride the subway and get hopelessly lost. I want to get called a "dirty, stupid tourist" by a New Yorker. I want to visit the city and realize how crappy the town of Ottawa actually is. I really miss being in a bustling, busy city.

Can you tell I'm excited?

Then, if you all remember, I while back I won a contest. It included two round trip air tickets, hotel stay, two tickets to a shitty shitty musical "artist", five hundred dollars and the CDs and DVDs of the person I'll be seeing in concert. The latter, by the way, I have still not been able to get rid of. I fear I will have these embarrassing items in my collection forever, and will be constantly explaining why I own so many terrible CDs of this artist.

Well, here is the story on the contest. Because I entered with my Toronto address, I have to fly out of Toronto's airport. Fine, looks like a four hour drive there and back for this contest, but whatever. Its still a free trip, right? Yeah. Which would be great, if the contest wasn't flying me to Montreal. So, for all you non-geography kids out there, grab a map and lets all discuss this. I will be in Ottawa where I will get in my car and drive to Toronto. From Toronto, I will get in a plane, fly over Ottawa to Montreal. Then, leave Montreal and fly (over my apartment) back to Toronto where I will get in my car and drive the four hours back to Ottawa. Oh, did I mention that it would only take me an hour and a half to DRIVE from Ottawa to Montreal? And I already checked. The contest is void if I fly from any other airport. Oh, did I also mention that two days after I get home from New York is when I'll be going on this trip? Fun times. My mom is coming with me on this trip because she's never been to Montreal. It should be... an adventure. Whether or not we will end up at the concert is debatable. I say debatable because I say we skip it and scalp the tickets on craigslist and she is a mom who likes shitty music. The war wages on.

Home for the Holidays

2007-12-21T16:07:00.000-05:00

Going to school and living in Ottawa in December means that for the past month or so, I've been buried under one thing or another. Be it 37cm of snow, pages and pages of study notes on the welfare state or a new boyfriend, it basically means I've been slightly absent.

Still alive, just busy busy. I'm going home tomorrow, and I'm sure a few days with the family will provide plenty of time to catch up with you all.

Happy happy, everyone. May you not want to kill too many people who steal your parking spaces in the mall.

The Various Stages of Boyfriendness

2007-12-03T18:16:00.000-05:00

I suppose it could be said that I'm in a new relationship type thing. I am seeing someone somewhat regularly, and we like each other in a romantic type of way. This however, does not mean that I have a Boyfriend. Oh no no no. I'm a big believer that to qualify for Boyfriend status, there needs to be a question asked to confirm Boyfriendness. And for a moment there, there was an assumption of status, but I immediately corrected it.

"Oh no."
"What?"
"OH NO. Girlfriend? Um, listen... I don't believe I was asked to be a girlfriend..."
"[pause] What?"
"You have not asked me to be your girlfriend. You need to ask the question and I would need to accept."
"What? You are going to make me ask you if you want to be my girlfriend?"
"Of course."
"Seriously?... no seriously? You're going to make me ask?"
"Oh, I am seriously, seriously going to make you ask."

Then he didn't ask. Perhaps I scared the poor guy. I think its that he's a big city kid who just moves faster, where as I'm a small town girl who enjoys the asking. I also enjoy busting his balls, but that is besides the point. We'll see if he does it. Maybe I'll beat him to the punch and do it myself... who knows? So far, no questions have been asked by either of us, so I've decided I have a Non-Boyfriend. You know, basically everything a boyfriend is, but without the official status. He's an intro Boyfriend. Non-Boyfriend is the guy who I wouldn't make sit through a total chick flick, but instead, just drop an infinite amount of hints as to how Xanadu would change his life. He's the guy that instead of immediately calling him up to tell him what a bitch this woman in front of me in line at the grocery store was, I might just send him a text instead. He's in that very unique stage where he has seen me naked, but hasn't seen me cry because those really sappy Christmas commercials are on and oh god, its the one where the young daughter calls her dad because she can't come home for the holidays and she really misses him and he really misses her and then the dad starts to cry because he's going to be all alone for the holidays and oh, wait... what's that? She is surprising him because she really is home for Christmas and was using her new Bell cell phone to call him up and now they hug and cry and go inside by the fire? Yeah, he hasn't seen that, but someone should warn Non-Boyfriend because December tends to be an emotionally draining television month.

All I'm saying is that he better enjoy this time because the status change from Non-Boyfriend to Boyfriend could be a shock to the poor guy's system.

School is Hard, Ya'll.

2007-11-26T18:15:00.001-05:00

But all my assignments are done. Now I'm in full blown exam mode. You might see me again in about two years... If I'm lucky. Or you might see me more once I realize how much studying blows. Any advice for multiple choice exams?

Asked and Answered

2007-11-09T09:54:00.000-05:00

In an effort to maintain my date's delicate reputation as a gentleman, I will say this and only this:

- He's foreign. And he has an accent. And I find it extremely sexy.

- He's ridiculously good looking.

- He's older.

- He knows how to tell a story well. Total bonus points.

- He makes me laugh.

- He has a job and goes to school. Totally hot.

- We both like bad 80's music. When someone sings in the car with you to Scandal and Duran Duran, its pretty fun.

- He puts up with my silly ramblings on superficial topics like "Americas Most Smartest Model", what the hell is going on with Britney Spears?, why VH1 should be a staple in everyone's cable diet, how not getting TVland in Canada is a crime against humanity, why Kenny Loggins was and is to this day an architect catchy pop songs, theories on who really was the boss: Tony or Angela?, and aging celebrities I find oddly attractive (yes, I think Steve Buscemi, Al Gore, Kenny Rogers, Anderson Cooper, Prince, Rick Mercer and to be quite honest, several other random weird celebrities to be hot and I won't apologize for it).

- And... well, lets just say that we were able to keep ourselves well entertained for 73 hours.

Flashdance... What A Feeling

2007-11-04T23:43:00.000-05:00

Hands up if anyone here has ever had a first date that went so well it ended up lasting 73 consecutive hours. That would be including day-light savings time...

So, how was your weekend?

Bike Ride Along the Rideau Canal

2007-10-17T15:28:00.000-04:00

The canal. Looks like dirty. Actually, it is kinda dirty.

The Hartwell Locks.

Fall has set in. Or at least it did for about three days before I broke out the winter coat.

At some point, I will figure out how to get to the other side of the water.

It was a good bike riding day.

At this point, do you think I knew where I was? A very helpful jogger had to point me in the direction towards home.

I have some photos of The Glebe for next time.

That's My Story and I'm Sticking To It...

2007-10-12T18:02:00.000-04:00

Last night, I was chatting with a friend on instant messenger. Somehow, the topic of conversation turned to Clay Aiken.

Him: Oh god, have you seen him lately?
Me: Totally. Talk about bloated.
Him: Bloated? That's putting it mildly. Dude is FAT.
Me: What's going on with him lately? I wonder if he still cruises the net for men. He hasn't been in the middle of any gay sex scandals lately. Well, at least no recent half naked photos of him have come to light.
Him: Oh right. That was funny. Wasn't he busted on tape, too?
Me: I think so...
Him: I'd like to see that. Go search it and send it to me.
Me: Oh man. Are you really going to make me google it?
Him: Hell yes.
Me: Ugh. I'm already embarrassed by my browser history.
Him: Just do it!

And such is the story as to why I ended up with 9 critical viruses and over 400 spyware objects on my computer. Because I googled "Clay+Aiken+Gay+Internet+Sex+Photos". Fuck, I'm a loser. But at least I'm a loser who knows how to clean up my computer by myself. I would have really been embarrassed had I been forced to take my laptop into Best Buy. There would be no coming back from the shame of having a Geek Squad guy think you are a perverted Claymate.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-10-04T13:14:00.000-04:00

I'm heading home for the next five days. See you after I'm full of delicious food that has been cooked in an oven.

Also, this picture freaks me out. So, in the spirit of the holiday, I've decided to share it. Try not to have too many nightmares about evil zombie turkeys.

Free Is My Favourite Price

2007-09-29T10:05:00.000-04:00

Awhile back, I was standing at the cosmetics counter of a local drug store with a friend. I had some shampoo and conditioner and general stuff in my hands when my friend looked at my purchases and laughed.

"You are a goddamn sucker."

"What?"

"You are a SUCKER. You are paying for that stuff like a chump."

"Dude, I am not shoplifting. I'm not 13, and I don't like you enough to cave to whatever peer pressure you plan on subjecting me to."

"Fuck off, I'm saying that there are many ways to get that stuff for free. They are called free samples, yo. Get with the program."

Soon after, my friend skilled me in the art of getting free stuff. It sounds pretty bad, I wouldn't consider myself a cheap person, but here's the deal. If I have the option of paying for something, or getting it for free, chances are, I'm taking the free route. On a more pathetic note, getting free stuff is how I get my kicks these days. Being able to boast that I got something for nothing is my high.

After this, my friend and I went to a few trade shows and things. The Wedding Show (filling a conference centre full of crazy brides is the quickest way to get me to lose my shit), a holistic life conference, the food and wine show, all sorts of things. For the most part, we could care less about what the theme of the event was, but we knew that admission was free and there would be samples, door prizes and draws. It became a hobby. And then a bit of an addiction.

First, I won a $100 gift certificate to The Bay.

Then, a gift basket full of hair crap. Brushes, a hair dryer, a straightening iron and the like.

After that came the free tickets to see David Usher.

I'm sure you can see how my interest grew into an obsession. After I began to win, I began to get emails about more contests. How could I resist? I entered a few (reputable ones from reputable companies... I know better than to give out personal information to shady people). Then a few more. Then I was entering everyday. Suddenly, I understand why people smoke.

Now I'm winning more stuff.

A $50 gift certificate for clothes.

The first season of Dexter.

A make-up gift basket.

AND THEN...

I get an email. Turns out I won a GRAND PRIZE. Two round trip tickets to somewhere in North America. Three nights hotel stay in a city. Five hundred dollars spending money. Two tickets to see a concert and the CD of the musician I'm seeing. I haven't signed anything yet to claim my prize, so I'm a little hesitant to write anything about the musician the concert is based around. However, if you want to know, email me and we'll share a good laugh. A very good laugh, considering I'm wondering if scalping the tickets would be wrong. And fuck knows what I'll have to do to get rid of this free CD... possibly look into giving it to a prepubecent girl without ears. Or good taste in music. Or I'll just post an ad under "Free Stuff" on craigslist. Because, let's face it, everyone loves free stuff, including pervy craigslist browsers.

Things I've Learned So Far

2007-09-21T18:04:00.000-04:00

Moving to a new city and living on my own has been somewhat eye opening. Now that I'm out of the nest, I've learned a few things. Let's discuss:

The oven is overrated. It hasn't been used yet and I think I can hold out. I mean, its only two years....
Laundry is expensive and quarters are hard to come by when you need them.

Nutella is part of a balanced diet.

Coffee is necessary for 8:30 classes. Lots of coffee.

My sleep schedule has been completely thrown off, which means that I have caught The Price Is Right at 1:00am. In French.

I've also seen The View dubbed in French. The bitchiness still translates, if any of you were wondering.

My mother is tiring of me calling before every meal, asking how to cook things. So I told her that she could just send me money and I'll go out for dinner. I got an email two hours later with 10 of her recipes. It's all in how you ask.

I asked my parents how they were dealing with their Empty Nest Syndrome. They said they were loving it. I my mom's words, "My house is always clean. There is no downside! Oh, right... except that we miss you, and stuff... But really, the house is always clean!". But I'm sure I could hear some sadness in there... somewhere.

When I first moved in, my dad left a bunch of dad supplies for the apartment. Flashlights, fire extinguishers, batteries, WD-40, duct tape, a hammer, a screwdriver set, and a bunch of light bulbs. I thought he was going overboard, until we had a small (tiny!) grease fire. No worries, everything was under control.

Not having a dishwasher really influences what one makes for dinner. Do I want to make something extensive, that needs 4 pots and pans, or do I want to make a grilled cheese using only one thing? Humm...

Having a garbage chute is very convenient. But it makes the basement smell. I'm now very adept at holding my breath from the time the elevator door opens until the time I'm in the garage and in my car. Sure, I start to see stars and feel faint if I don't have my keys at the ready, but trust me, not dealing with the smell is well worth it.

All my cute shoes are useless. It's flip-flops and runners when you have a half hour walk to school.

Ikea is cheap and generally pretty nice. But putting together bookshelves, desks and dressers all in one night, using only an Allen key makes me curse the Swedish.

Moving from the suburbs to the city means that I've managed to go over three weeks without refueling my car. It also means I'm walking a lot more. Al Gore would be very proud of me.

Whats your best advice for living on your own?

The ByWard Market and Area, Ottawa

2007-09-12T08:28:00.000-04:00

They are later than I promised, but here are my photos from my very quick tour of the ByWard Market. After this, I'm out of photos. Some of you must be breathing a sigh of relief to hear that... But all these photo posts have made me lazy. I barely have to write anything in my posts anymore!
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This is on the out skirts of the market. The Parliament buildings are to the left, and the building you can somewhat see on the right is the Chateau Laurier, what I believe is the most expensive hotel in Ottawa. It's gorgeous. But I didn't take a photo of it (yet) because it's massive and that would have meant crossing the street and getting out of the shade on what was an incredibly hot day. I'm very pale, so any sort of sun exposure can be deadly!
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This is the entrance to the market. This was on a Friday afternoon at about 1pm. And it's still packed with people. People who apparently don't have jobs, or are students like me.
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This was one of the tents filled with booths and the vendor's merchandise. This tent had jewellery, flowers, clothing and baked goods like cookies and pies. It was a good tent.
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I saw this and thought of Ffleur. A store of nothing but tea. And it had a line out the door. On a day where the temperatures topped 40. So, it must be good and I will have to go back to check it out.
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While the name will always make me giggle like an eleven year old boy, apparently Beaver Tails are an Ottawa speciality. Their website says that Beaver Tails are "deliciously unique whole-wheat pasties stretched to the shape of a beaver's tail and float cooked on Canola or Soya oil." So, you know, very healthy. Then you get toppings of either butter, cinnamon sugar, chocolate hazelnut, or apple cinnamon. For scientific purposes, I will have to try one with each topping. It would be irresponsible of me not to.
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This tent was full of cacti (are you proud that I didn't have to google to find the plural of 'cactus'?)
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Hot peppers!
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The market has many, many bars. Like this one, with the cool balcony. I hope you can see it. The truck is sort of in the way.
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One way or another, they're gonna find ya, they're gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha.
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I saw this poster coming out of the market and moving into the Sparks Street Outdoor Mall. A little poster supporting our Prime Minister and his Conservative Party. But then, upon closer inspection...
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Someone personalized it. And no, it wasn't me.
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The very stately post office in the Sparks Street Outdoor Mall. I liked this carving over the entry, but what I really loved was...
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On either side of the door, stand these lion statues. There was a bunch of tourists going by when I was taking these photos and the little kids loved these.
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I love it!
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The Sparks Street Mall is filled with shoppers. It extends all the way down, past the giant Canadian flag in the distance.
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And finally, a nice place to have lunch.

Views From The Peace Tower

2007-09-09T00:40:00.000-04:00

Ok, so that big tower thing in the centre of Parliament is the Peace Tower. After the tour, we had the option of heading up nine floors to take some photos. Whatever, it's not the CN Tower, but it still offered up some impressive views.
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The view of Ottawa to the west.
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Ok, I believe that everything on the left of this photo is Ontario and everything on the left (EDIT: and by "left", I of course mean "right". Thanks Editthis!) is Quebec. The river separates the provinces... I think. My geography skills are still being honed.
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Same thing. Ontario to the left and Quebec on the right. I have no idea what that little island is or who it belongs to though.
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This is frm the opposite side. Now, the right side is Ontario and that big long bridge stretches into Gatineau. I have yet to drive into Quebec, partly because I have no real reason to go there, and mostly because the idea of driving in Quebec scares the pants off me.
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I don't know what this building is, but it sure has a pretty roof.

I have photos for tomorrow of the ByWard Market. If you're not interested in this Ottawa stuff, don't worry. I'm sure I'll soon tire myself out and my blog will go back to posts without visual aids.

Canadian Parliament

2007-09-07T16:30:00.000-04:00

Today, I took a tour of the Parliament buildings. Because "free" is my favourite price.

There are signs all over the city telling tourists (and newbies to the city) how to get to the Parliament buildings.

Not that the building is very hard to find. Sorry about the photo on a slant. I was across the street trying to get the whole thing in the frame before a fleet of busses and trucks drove past and got in the picture.

The Centennial Flame (or The Eternal Flame). Its hard to see in this picture, but there is a flame burning in the centre. On January 1st, 1967 (Canada's Centennial year), Prime Minister Lester B. Pearson lit the flame to symbolize Canada's unity, and it's been burning ever since.

The Canada Doors - Entry into the House of Commons.
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The ceiling just outside Canada's Senate.
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An upclose view of the ceiling.

Inside the Canadian Senate Chamber. I would have photos of inside the House of Commons, but it's not in session, so access was restricted. It looks very similar, except everything that is red in this photo, is green in the House. So, use your imagination!

Coming tomorrow: The view from the Peace Tower! I'm sure you are all loving this boring history lesson. Tough bananas! It's your daily dose of Canadian culture.

Hogs Back Park, Ottawa

2007-09-05T17:06:00.001-04:00

Welcome to the first of many Ottawa photo posts.

The Hogs Back Lock.

Walking/biking trails. Ottawa is a HUGE bike city. Everyone has very muscular thighs. You don't see that in Toronto. Toronto has subways and taxi cabs. And fattening food.

The Hogs Back Canoe Club.

The Rideau Canal.

I have my camera now, so expect many more neighbourhoods to be brought to you in photos. I just have to figure out how to get to these other neighbourhoods.

Celebrity Desert Island Game

2007-09-03T21:42:00.000-04:00

I got tagged by LA to answer the question: "If you were left alone on a deserted island, which celebrity would you choose to spend time with?"
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Well, there are many possible answers to this question, so lets discuss, shall we?

1.) Kevin Bacon. Why? Well, if I was stranded on a desert island, I'm going to need someone who can entertain me in many different ways (no, not that way... pervs). With Mr. Bacon staying with me, we'd be able to practice our Footloose dance, pretend to run away from Tremors, discuss all things Flatliners (I'd ask him a few soft questions before getting into the real stuff like whether or not he thought Julia and Kiefer would implode like they did), and then we could play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. Although, I think he'd have the advantage on that one.

2.) Christian Bale. First, he'd be all kinds of sexy eye candy for the first few months. Then, our food supply might start to dwindle, and he, being ever the gentleman, would give me his share of our food. And after The Machinist, we all know he's able to lose a massive amount of weight and still stay alive. Sure, he may start to hallucinate, but that would just make things more interesting, right?

3.) Patrick Swayze. Because I'd like to get an up close and personal view of that bad plastic surgery, plus, he could entertain me all day with lines from Dirty Dancing. And if the original Dirty Dancing got tiring, he could re-enact his role from Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.

4.) Penny from Inspector Gadget: Just as long as she brought along her fancy little computer book and camera watch. Plus, I want the inside scoop on Dr. Claw. Is he really a doctor or is it more of a title?

5.) Any of the Jolie-Pitt kids: Only because these kids don't seem to go a day without being photographed, so I'm sure we'd only be lost for 45 minutes tops before hoards of paparazzi find us and start snapping away. Sure fire way to get rescued!

Which one do you think is the best of my options?

Also, I have to tag a few people, so I choose Becca, Christie, Princess in Galoshes, and Ryan. Don't hate me, ya'll!

No Longer A Crack Den.

2007-09-03T13:35:00.000-04:00

It only took two liters of bleach, a bottle of Windex, a bottle of floor cleaner, eleven rolls of paper towels, four mop heads, a box of SOS pads and 60 J-cloths to get this place livable. My roommate and I believe the former tenants enjoyed many a game of CocoaPuff wars, wherein players take a full box of CocoaPuffs and throw handfuls at each other until each is out of ammo. Other gifts left behind by the previous tenants include a hairy bar of soap in the bathroom, onion peelings in every room but the kitchen, and what I'm hoping was a glob of toothpaste in the tub. I guess this means I'm an adult now?

I'm Movin' On Up

2007-08-30T23:05:00.000-04:00

I'm out of here for the next couple of days and probably won't be back online until Sunday. I'm planning on buying a digital camera this weekend, so just wait for the Ottawa photos to be hitting my blog. I'm pretty much planning on becoming that annoying person who sets up a slide show of vacation photos and forces her friends to sit through them all. Except my vaction is going to last two years. Suck it, bitches. I'm still gonna want comments.

xoxo
M.

The Day The Music Died

2007-08-26T20:48:00.000-04:00

My office in Redneckville was in an old, unusual building. Before our company moved in, the place was... abandoned. Yes, abandoned. From about 1950 until the late 1980's, the building housed a charming little department store. It sold many upscale fashions and housewares to the people of Redneckville, mostly so the act of buying a new housecoat or some guest towels didn't require travelling all the way into the CITY. It was apparently a great little business, that is until the recession hit. When money gets tight, the people of Redneckville will make do with their ratty housecoats, and will keep overnight guests where they belong. Hotels.

After the little department store went out, a few mini businesses took up shop, but none of them lasting. Pretty soon, the man who owned it ran into some personal problems (apparently, bad things happen when wives and mistresses meet) and his building soon fell into power of sale. When no one bought it, it remained empty for about eight years. That is, until the current landlords bought it for pennies, slapped some drywall up, added a new hot water heater and put it up for rent. My boss, looking past the faulty wiring and musty smell, thought he saw a golden opportunity for expansion and rented one half of the building.

Now, even with our company occupying half of the space, the idea of renting space in a building that was previously abandoned scared off many potential tenants. The other half stayed vacant almost a year after we moved in. Personally, I liked not having neighbours, but I'm antisocial that way. Around April of this year, I noticed that the "For Lease" sign was gone from the front window and no later than May, the new tenants were open for business. While having the other side and the basement rented out did wonders for the outside appearance of the building, it turned out to be a big problem for inside our office. It was a music store that moved in, bringing with it all the guitars, pianos and drum kits expected of one. I figure their soundproofing must have gotten lost in the move.

The final three months working at my job were increasingly loud. Starting with the music store's grand opening and all through the summer holidays, teenagers streamed in and out, never purchasing much, but always putting their skills to the test on the store's instruments. Amps were almost always on and turned up, which meant my teeth were almost always rattling.

I soon began to tune out most of what was going on beside me, but every now and then, I would find myself humming along to whatever song the 15 year old boys were rocking out to. A funny thing about teenage boys is that somewhere between sprouting their first chest hair and having to change the sheets on a nightly basis, they all seem to figure out how to play a chorus or two of a classic rock song, on almost any instrument. I don't get it, but then, I never was a teenaged boy.

Just about everyday, I was treated to a horrifically bad concert. Smoke On The Water by Deep Purple seemed to be a popular opening with the rural adolescent crowd, but was just their warm up. Followed directly after was either Sunshine Of Your Love by Cream, or Nirvana's Come As You Are. Timing was optional, but the idea of the song always resonated through our shared wall. A continual three song repeat was enough to make me lose my mind come Friday.

These three tunes became the soundtrack in my head. While brushing my teeth in the morning, Deep Purple's oh so catchy rhythm guided my toothbrush in my mouth. My fingers tapped along my steering wheel to the beat of Sunshine Of Your Love and when I was trying to fall asleep at night, I dreamt Kurt Cobain was singing just to me. For some reason, my subconscious made Kurt a brunette. With frosted tips. My subconscious likes to fuck around with me.

So, it is because of this that I now cringe when I hear these songs, not because any of them are particularly bad, but that they are particularly bad when butchered by adolescent boys living living out their rock star fantasies. I mean, they couldn't have mixed it up a little with some Stones or CCR? The least they could have done is closed the day with a little Skynyrd. Especially seeing as I was screaming "Freebird!" and holding up my lighter.

Going Through "The Change"

2007-08-23T20:29:00.000-04:00

What do you think? Nice and colourful or blinding and tacky?

Chillin' Out, Maxin' And Relaxin' All Cool

2007-08-22T18:35:00.001-04:00

Vacation rocks.

How long do you think I can put off packing up my stuff before it will become a problem? I'm moving next Saturday and haven't started. And that's probably not the problem; its the fact that I have no real plans to start packing.

Welcome to The Redneck School of Technology

2007-08-16T09:03:00.000-04:00

My last day of work is tomorrow, so I think I'm probably safe to post a work story. And based on this story, you'll see why I'm fairly confident that no one from work will be able to find my blog.

Just like every office, my office has that one person who makes it their sole purpose in life to be a crazy pain in the ass. Let's call my person "Doris". Doris is a whirlwind of confusion. She's constantly anxious, panic-stricken, and if this one thing isn't done right now then the world will end! I've heard through the grapevine that other people call her "Chicken Little" behind her back. Doris has perfected the ability to drive everyone else in the office completely insane. In fact, I've named my ever increasing eye-twitch after her.

Over the year and a bit that I've worked here, I've slowly taken on the responsibility of fixing and maintaining the office computers. How this became my job is still a mystery to me, but I seem to recall growing tired of waiting for the one (ONE!) computer repair guy in town to get to us on his list of service calls. I became the person who added new employees to the network, set up the wireless internet service, and nursed the general-use computers back to health after other employees filled them with viruses. Because nothing says 'professional office' like porno pop-ups.

Back to Doris. Doris is an old-school kinda gal with a miserable attitude. "What do you mean, this office doesn't have a typewriter? How am I supposed to write a letter?" "I think the idea of a digital camera instead of a film camera is a SIN." "I don't DO technology." Unfortunately for Doris, her industry has fully embraced many new technological advances and she is getting left in the dust. To compensate, she is waging a full-scale war on everything electronic, and resisting change with all her might.

One day, I drive up to the office and see her vehicle in the parking lot. I am able to judge how well my day is going to go by which of my office mate's cars are parked outside. I could tell that this day was not going to go well. But, I trudge on and walk inside.

As the back door closes behind me, I'm greeted to Doris' shrill voice. "MICHELLE! I'm glad you are FINALLY HERE! (Note: ten minutes before I'm supposed to start.) This is entirely unacceptable. When these things, these computers are not working, it impedes my business!"

"Umm, ok. Just give me a minute to get set up for the day and then I will help you."

"I do not have A MINUTE. I'm already late because this office can never seem to have their internets WORKING!" As you can tell, she's a very important person. Because she EMPHASISES certain WORDS.

"So the internet is down? It was probably because there was a power failure last night. Let me just put my stuff down and I'll reset it, ok?"

"But MICHELLE. I've already tried to reset the internets. I shut down this computer and then turned it back on again, but I still can't get to the web pages. All of them are broken."

"Um, what do you mean, 'all the internets are broken'?"

"Michelle, I don't have TIME for this. I don't UNDERSTAND what you don't UNDERSTAND about this situation." This is where she looked directly at me and started speaking slowly and loudly. "ALL of the INTERNETS are BROKEN. They DO NOT WORK. I open one and it DOESN'T WORK. I open ANOTHER and it STILL DOESN'T WORK. Got it?"

Oh, I got it alright, lady.

Here's the problem with Doris. Someone has obviously taught her a few computer-related words. However, later, when she goes to reuse this new-found lingo, she ends up sounding like an idiot. And usually makes an ass out of herself. By this point, I've come to the realization that she must think that every browser she opens up is a new 'internet'. Hence, her speaking to me like I'm a dumb dog who just chewed one of her shoes. 'BAD DOG. You do NOT CHEW any of mommy's PUMPS. These are NOT for PUPPY. BAD DOG.' All that was missing was a smack on my nose.

"Oh, sorry Doris. I didn't understand what you were saying before. I didn't realize that ALL the internets are broken. I hope this problem isn't bigger than I first thought..." Now, this response to her may sound disrespectful, but I assure you, it isn't. Doris is a moron. People are forced to talk to her this way for her to comprehend things. It becomes quite entertaining after awhile.

I walk up to my desk to drop my things. I unplug the router and the modem and wait a few seconds. I can see on my computer that the connection had dropped, most likely because of the storm the night before.

"MICHELLE! Something just popped up on my computer. A little bubble thing say that the wireless internet connection can not be found. Oh dear. That sounds bad. I think we had this problem with my husband's computer at home and we had to take the whole thing in for repair. The guy said it was a problem with our MAINFRAME."

She is a computer repair person's wet dream. I'd charge her through the roof for every stupid reason she brought her computer in for repair.

"Oh dear. I hope our mainframe hasn't crashed. We might need to reconfigure our servers. And that is way beyond my computer knowledge. Hopefully, it's just our CPU that's decided to hibernate. Otherwise our intel will need a full overhaul and possibly some more internal storage. Or maybe we ran out of RAM. I bet we only have a few bytes left." Because its way more fun this way.

"Oh... are the RAMs expensive?"

"Well, RAMs don't come cheap, but maybe we can order some that is digitized. Not as costly, you know."

"What does the RAMs do?"

"They help the USB drives run smoothly. And when the USB drives are running, it helps the icons and the desktop connect to the Ethernet. The Ethernet is what runs all the internets and that's probably why you can't connect right now."

"Huh... That's what I thought."

"Ok," I said, without having plugged the modem and router back in. "Try opening another internet. Let's see if this works."

I can hear her clicking on the icon. "Umm... NO! Still nothing."

"Damn! Ok, hold on a second. Alright, try another one."

"NO! NOTHING!"

"This isn't looking good," I said, plugging everything back in. "Ok, wait thirty seconds and try just one more internet. Keep your fingers crossed for it! If this doesn't work, it's going to cost the company an absolute fortune to fix!"

"Oh man. Ok, should I try it now?"

I can see on my computer that the office is now connected. "Sure. Man... let's hope this goes through..."

"Oh! OH! OH! Michelle! The RAMs are working! All my internets are back up! You know, you're very good with computers."

"Well, I do what I can..."

As I leave this place, my only hope is she tells everyone she knows, word for word, exactly how I fixed every last one of the office internets.

Taking What I Can Get

2007-08-15T19:41:00.000-04:00

Today, I'm standing at the main intersection of Redneckville today, having just come from retrieving the office mail, when a pick up truck filled with teenage boys pulls up beside me. Suddenly, I hear a few whistles and yells coming from within.

"Yeah baby!"

Oh! Um... are they talking to me? Should I look over? Or would that just be embarrassing when it turns out they are yelling at someone else? Oh, go for it. Glance over.

"Whoo!!"

I take a peek. Ummm.... well, they are looking in my general direction...

"What's goin' on, sweet thing?"

Because I am a complete loser, I check over my shoulder to look for the other girl they must be talking to. Hum... no one there. Odd.

"Yeah, you!"

Oh, they do mean me. Well, I mean, this is sort of... flattering.

~whistle~

Oh, a whistle! Wow, I must look pretty damn hot today...

"Hey baby! I think you're moderately attractive!"

Oh my! How nice! I feel so... uh... wait, what?

So that's that. My moderately attractive ego has been fully checked.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2007-08-14T14:28:00.000-04:00

My blog is undergoing a mini-facelift. I'm hoping that it comes out looking refreshed, and not like modern day Mickey Rourke.

It's Done.

2007-08-09T12:17:00.000-04:00

Over a year ago, I posted on my blog, looking for some bikini waxing tips. While I usually refrain from discussing my lady-bits at any great length here, I was looking for some courage. Someone to tell me that having hot wax poured on you and then ripped off, wasn't as bad as it sounded. In fact, maybe they would tell me it was something they enjoyed doing! Or even that it was a liberating experience. Not surprisingly, no one told me that. Probably because any way you slice it, a bikini wax still involves another woman ripping hair out of you.

I had stupidly put it on my 101 in 1001 list, and because I am that person, it started to bug me that it was a task I hadn't checked off. I know when the time limit on my list is up that there will be several tasks left uncompleted, however, I wasn't about to allow myself to let my own fear get in the way of coming as close as possible to checking all my tasks off. I'm an over-achiever like that.

So, I gathered up every last ounce of courage I had, and made an appointment in the mall at the "spa" for the following Saturday. Then I dwelled on it for a week.

Arriving at the mall "spa" about 15 minutes early, I was eventually seen into a smaller procedure room. The petite Asian woman told me to take off my shoes and pants, but to leave my underwear on. Um, alright... Even with the "Sounds of the Sea" relaxation CD playing in the background, I could feel my anxiety level rise.

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door and the woman was back again. 'Oh,' I thought. 'She's my waxer? But she's so little. I could snap her in half. Look at her teeny-tiny arms! Does she even have any upper body strength? Crap. I can see this not going well.'

"My name is Tina. I'm going to be your waxer today."

"Awesome. My name is Michelle. You're going to see me cry in a few minutes. Please don't judge me."

"Oh." Tina said. "First timer?"

"Can you tell?" I said, suddenly even more self-conscious than I had been a minute before when I was lying on the table in nothing but my skivvies.

"Don't worry," she said, ignoring both my question and the fear flashing in my eyes. "I'll take good care of you."

Now, without going into too much graphic detail, Tina took her wax-covered popcicle stick thing and applied it.

"Too hot?" she asked.

"Umm... I'm thinking the temperature is the least of my problems right now, wouldn't you say, Tina?"

"Oh, you're funny! I like you!"

I took that as a good sign. With the amount of power over me she had in that moment, I'd hate to have her develop a dislike my personality.

"Ok. On the count of three, I'm going to rip the first one off. Alright?"

What was I to say? 'No actually. I've changed my mind. Sorry for the inconvenience, but this is enough for today. I do think we've made good progress, though. Don't you?' Nope, I was in over my head on this one and it was all or nothing now.

"One... Two... Thr-"

That is all I remember because at that point the lower half of my body caught fire. At least I assume it did. I couldn't see straight either, so for argument's sake, lets just say she lit me ablaze. That's what the first one felt like. It was a sensation I've never felt before, probably because the human body was not designed for this.

Let me digress here for a moment. When I was six years old, the only thing I wanted for my upcoming seventh birthday was to get my ears pierced. I begged and pleaded with my mother for months to please please please let me get pierced ears. All the other girls had them! Finally giving in, she took me into town to the local jewellery story and asked the lady to pierce my ears and give me pretty pink studs. Boy, was I excited. So, the lady draws two little pen marks on my lobes, makes sure they are even and lifts the ear gun to my right ear. BANG! It's pierced. Which is great, except GODDAMN, that hurt. No way, lady. I'm done. My left ear is staying intact, you crazy sadist. There is no fuckin' way I'm letting you near me again with that torture device, devil-woman! My mother, faced with the fact that her seven year old daughter would look like a hippy punk rocker with one earring, held me down and ordered the gun-wielding asshole to puncture my other ear. What a shitty birthday. I've never let my mother forget how mean she was to me. And on my birthday no less!

Now, back to my bikini line. Here I was left in a comparable dilemma. Did that first strip hurt enough for me to throw in the towel and leave with patches, looking similarly to Steve Carell in The Forty Year Old Virgin? I mean, it hurt like nobody's business, but no, I have to stick it out.

Surprisingly, the rest wasn't as bad. Probably due to me building it up in my head, the first riiiiiipppppp was the most painful. The rest was by no means enjoyable, but I powered through it, even cracking a few more jokes to Teeny Tiny Tina who thought I was quite amusing. And I give her credit too. For being 76lbs, she had an unexpected amount of strength. All in, I was out in less that 10 minutes.

I'm even going back for another appointment. But, I'm not sure if that makes me a modern woman or just a masochist.

Chaos

2007-07-29T23:20:00.000-04:00

I am moving in one month.
I have to buy a bunch of stuff for my new place.
I have to pack up my life.
I quit my job.
I will no longer be getting a pay cheque.
I have to find imaginary money.
I have to find a lot of imaginary money.
I have to train my replacement at work.
I am realizing that my replacement at work might not be a great fit for the job.
I have to say my goodbyes to all my friends that are staying in Toronto.
I have to do my best to reduce my mother's anxiety level over this move.
I am the maid of honour in a wedding next year.
I am moving in one month.
I am moving in one month to a brand new city.
I am starting school in one month.
I am starting school in one month in a brand new city.
I have to figure out my brand new city.
I have to get a job in my brand new city.
I am moving in one month.
I am moving in one month.
I am moving in one month.

Serenity now?

A Story About A Runaway Bride That Doesn't Feature Julia Roberts.

2007-07-23T19:37:00.000-04:00

Commitment and I have a touch-and-go relationship. There are times where I feel like I could give it a good run for it's money and just go for it, and then there are other times where it sucker punches me right in the face and I go running for the hills.

On Sunday, I went shopping for wedding dresses with my friend, L. No worries, everyone. She's the bride and I'm the maid of honour. There are zero wedding bells in my future, as demonstrated by this story.

I get to her place in the early morning. We planned to get an early start to this because, you see, we're not girly-girls. Our game plan was to attack this thing head on and get 'er over with. We were both keeping our fingers crossed that the perfect dress would be the first one she tried on. That way, we could go out for lunch with a care-free attitude. Because we had found a dress in under an hour. It would be a feat that would go down in the history of weddings. Easiest dress fitting ever.

But, alas, that did not happen. The first place was a wear house. A wedding dress wear house. A seedy, gungy wedding dress wear house. Now, I'm not much of a romantic, but the florescent overhead lighting, stained carpeting and disinterested sales staff are sure to kill any happy feelings that weddings are supposed to evoke. After trying on a few dresses, some pretty, some horrendous, we left, deciding it was pretty much a bust.

The second place was strictly off-the-rack. Meaning whatever dresses were on the rack were the only dresses they had. No ordering in, no alterations, no nothing. You deal with what is there and the only real plus side to it is that the dresses are quite inexpensive. L. tries a few on and falls in love with a very nice dress. The only thing with her is that I'm never really sure if she like something because she likes it, or if she likes it because it's cheap. L. loves a bargain. We leave there too, keeping in mind the dress and hoping that it's still there when she brings her mom back.

The third place is an actual salon. Very posh. Very ritzy. Very upscale. And this is reflected in the prices of the dress. Immediately, I can tell L. is put off. She has zero intention of spending upwards of $1500 on a dress she'll wear once. But the sales girl is very insistent and the next thing we know, we're in a small fitting area with yards and yards of lace and satin surrounding us. L. is in the changing room with dresses being thrown at her by the pushy sales woman and I'm outside watching this go down. I'm already very tired and I've had my fill of wedding stuff for one day. From inside the change room, I can hear the sales woman tell L. to try on a particular dress that is not the right size. L. is trying to tell her that its not going to fit because the sizing is not even close to what she needs so she doesn't want to try it.

"Whatever. Why do you get her try it on?" I hear L. say from inside the room. And while I hear it, but I don't quite process it.

You know when you change little kid's clothing and you grab the bottom of their shirts and whip it right off, over their heads, causing their arms just swoop right up and out of the shirt? It's a fun trick that parents do to their toddlers. Well, apparently to this sales woman, I am a toddler. Because that's what she did to me. All of a sudden, I'm standing in the dressing area in my bra. What? The thought of modesty barely had time to cross my mind when a giant, white, poofy, sparkly, shimmery, sequined gown was thrown over my head.

Time slowed to a crawl as my head turned toward the mirror. As I caught a glimpse of myself in the dress, I could feel my brain shut off. 'Wow,' I thought. 'I haven't had a panic attack in years.' This dress caused me to have a visceral reaction. My face turned bright red, my hands started shaking, I was unable to breathe and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Which all sounds like a typical girl-reaction to seeing herself in a wedding dress, EXCEPT that my reaction was based more in terror than joy.

The words "FIGHT OR FLIGHT" flashed before my eyes. Flight. Flight. Flight. Where are my exits? Front door? Back door? Side door? Fire escape? Hell, give me a spoon and I'll tunnel my way out of this place. Must leave. Must leave. Must leave now.

"Get. It. Off. Me. Now. Now. NOW."

Quickly, the sales woman sees my face contorting and yanks the dress off over my head.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Whew! Much better. And with that, I'm able to start calming down.

As we're walking out to the parking lot, L. turns to me and goes, "So... you and weddings, eh? You ok? It was touch and go for a minute in there. You really tripped out."

"Oh, I'm in no way ready to talk about this just yet. I need a drink."

Time Keeps On Slippin', Slippin', Slippin' Into The Future

2007-07-18T15:11:00.000-04:00

I have one month left at work. Tick-tick-tick-tick-tock. Personally, I can't wait, and you, dear readers, should also be on the edge of your seats. "Why?" you may ask. Well, because I have a glorious bag of tricks up my sleeve that I will be pulling out once my position at the company is finito. It's called "Story Time" and good god, I think you'll be entertained by the tales I have for you.

Several themes will emerge in my work-related stories. A sampling of potential titles for my stories include:

Welcome to The Redneck School of Technology.
Can You Tell Me Which Is The Way To Hobo Beach?
Needles, Bottles and Crack Pipes, Oh My!
The Mystery Phrase Of The Day Is... Passive Aggressive!
Nancy Drew and the Case of the Disappearing Office Supplies.
Smoke On The Water, or, The Day The Music Died.
Surprise! You Don't Own The Monopoly On Being A Bitch, Lady.

Good times, good times. I think my blog will liven up soon. It's been a bit of a snore lately, I know.

Almost Officially Apartmented

2007-07-09T09:39:00.000-04:00

First, let me just say that driving from the Toronto area to Ottawa and then turning back and coming home again in one day, isn't something I would recommend to anyone. I put about 1,100 kms (about 683 miles if my internet converter is correct) on my car on Saturday. I'm still bleary eyed.

However, the trek out there and back was completely worth it as we (my future roommate, a girl I went to school with, who coincidentally is also attending the same school in Ottawa, for the same length of time) signed a lease for an amazing apartment! For everything we're getting, in the nice neighbourhood that is close to school, and the amenities included in the rent, we're very happy with it. Plus, I can't tell you the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders now that I have a place to live, for when I start my new adventure in a new city.

Move in date: September 1st.

School start date: September 4th.

Cutting it close? Yep. But that's just the way I roll.

All Signed Up And No Place To Live...Yet

2007-07-06T09:48:00.000-04:00

I'm officially registered for my classes for both the fall and winter semesters (and I managed to get really amazing schedules, to boot!), and now all I need is an apartment to live in. With any luck (keep your fingers crossed, ok?), I'll have one by the end of this weekend. I'm Ottawa-bound! See you all on Monday!

Here's pretty much the same photo of the Rideau Canal in the summer and winter. Now all I have to do is learn how to ice skate and I'll be able to have the full Ottawa experience this winter.

Canada Day, Up Canada Way

2007-06-29T14:17:00.000-04:00

Happy Canada Day!

I'm off for three glorious non-working days where I will attempt to accomplish the following:

1. Survive Canada's Wonderland and it's crowds and line-ups.

2. See movies in a wonderfully air-conditioned theatre.

3. Get some sort of tan (safely though... I always use sunscreen) because I really am a whiter shade of pale right now (Note: This will most likely coincide with task #1, and not so much with task #2).

4. Enjoy the lovely not-too-hot-not-too-cold-but-just-right-temperatures that will be happening. Clear skies and 25 degrees (80 degrees F) is just right for this baby bear.

5. Put my drinking face on at some fabulous patio bars. I mean, it's for a good cause! I'm celebrating... the birth of our nation... the rights and freedoms this country affords it's citizens... Oh, ok. Fine. I'm just gonna get a little drunk. Happy?

And, big happy wedding wishes to Rebecca's sister who is getting married this weekend! I'm sure it will be a lovely ceremony. Congratulations!

The Voice of a Generation.

2007-06-28T11:10:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I admit it. I watched it last night. Paris Hilton's interview on Larry King. And I have to say that her words of wisdom really gave me perspective in my life. She's my new role model. I mean, this woman has been through some rough times! Here is just a little bit of what my new inspiration in life had to tell Larry King last night:

"I will never drink and drive again. Granted it was one drink." You see? She's taken what was a completely unfair situation (the D.A. was just so mean to her!) and is learning from it. She won't drink and drive ever again. Like, even after Lindsay Lohan's 21st birthday party! So, she's obviously grown and matured as a person. She realizes the consequences of her actions, people! And keep in mind, it was only one drink.

"I'm a social person. I love to dance. I love to go out. I love music. But a lot of people don't know I'm a businesswoman. I run several businesses." Move over Donald Trump, Paris is a businesswoman! She runs several businesses. So, she didn't get into exactly what type of businesses she heads, but she runs them. And let's just say that whatever she's doing, I'm sure she's turning a profit. Well, she's turning something, anyway.

"It's been pretty overwhelming to be out. You know, I've been confined for three weeks in a little cell... so it's just overwhelming to be out; to be free again." Move over Nelson Mandela, this is a woman who knows hardship! She knows suffering! Three and a half weeks in a little cell. She's a true survivor. Are you all not amazed at her perseverance? I mean, she didn't even get maid turn-down service.

"So I just went with the motto, 'serve the time, don't let the time serve you'." Woah. She's so deep. I can't wait for her inspirational book to come out.

"I had nightmares at night that someone would break into my cell, you know, hurt me." Nah, Paris! You're not giving yourself enough credit. You're tough! You can handle your own. I'm honestly shocked that she didn't show up on Larry King with a little tear drop tattoo under her eye. She is that hard-core.

All classic gems that will keep me going. When I feel that I have a rough go of it in life, I'm just going to turn to Paris' words. She will make me realize that I live on Easy Street compared to her. I mean, my god... could you imagine being a (spoiled heiress) businesswoman who has been (fairly prosecuted) unfairly persecuted by the (justice system) media when all she had was one (too many) drinks and (stupidly) decided to drive herself home? It's not a lot, but it really makes me really appreciate what I have. Stay strong, Paris! Stay strong...

Update: Oh right. Someone may have also told a few fibs during her interview. Someone's pants may or may not have been on fire during this interview. I'd make a crack about her nose growing, but... well, nose jokes on this girl are just too easy.

In Desperate Need of a Nutritionist

2007-06-25T18:31:00.000-04:00

Today for lunch, I had a tin of SlimFast and the better part of a can of Pringles.

My body has no idea what I want it to do...

People Magazine's 2007 Hottest Bachelor!

2007-06-15T15:34:00.000-04:00

Guess what everyone? It's that time of year again, when People Magazine puts out an issue filled with cute, single guys and ranks them in order of hotness. Something my frivolous brain can easily overdose on!

So? Are you prepared? Are you ready? Are you sitting down?!?! Because here he is! The Sexiest Bachelor as named by the foremost leading magazine on the topic:

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY!!

Yee-ow! I just don't know how someone this hot has managed to stay "on the market" for as long as he has. Actually, I'm not entirely sure how he manages to keep his hands off himself! I mean, there must be hundreds, nay! Thousands of people each day who try to snare this sexy man for their own. I just can't help myself! Every time I see photos of his unkempt hair, his scraggly beard and his dirty bandanna, I just want to hunt him down and make him mine! I just want to have his short, stubby arms wrapped over me. We could enjoy lovely dates consisting of bike rides:

or doing sexy beach yoga:

or perhaps we could go for a jog:

Actually, all that might make me very tired, Matthew. I'm sorry, I'm just not as... weirdly healthy as you are. So, how's about we just sit around naked playing the bongos? Oh, wait, what's that you say?

That's illegal? Damn. That one sounded like the most amount of fun. But word on the street is that you are into a lot of illegal things:

You know I love a bad boy...

Well, as I'm sure you can all see, Matthew is a catch and a half. Best of luck to whoever manages to wrangle this wild stallion, who, if I forgot to mention, has a serious commitment to personal hygiene!

As you can certainly see, People Magazine knows their shit.

Celebrities I Confuse With Other Celebrities

2007-06-14T09:57:00.000-04:00

Because apparently my brain has reached its limit of celebrity knowledge, here's my list of famous people who I get mixed up with other famous people.

James Franco, Josh Hartnett, Chris Klein.

First, they all look alike with their too-cool-for-school squinty eyes. It's like they are constantly staring into the sun! Second, even Katie Holmes had a hard time differentiating between the last two. And this was before she went cuckoo for cocoa puffs and met Tom, who, lets face it, is just an older, crazier version of these kids.

Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro.

I have no idea why I can't tell these two apart, but let me just tell you, the movie Heat was very, VERY confusing for me.

Mary Louise Parker, Mary Stuart Masterson, Penelope Ann Miller, Sarah Jessica Parker.

Sorry ladies. None of you look all that similar, but you have too many names for me to remember who is who.

Bill Paxton, Bill Pullman, Jeff Daniels.

Because the Bill's have almost the same name, and because Bill Pullman and Jeff Daniels look so much alike, I can't figure out who is who!

Not a complete list by any means, but I want to know: Does this happen to you? Who do you confuse?

Go On Take The Money And Run, And Other Delightful Tales

2007-06-05T09:58:00.000-04:00

So, I'm not dead. I've just had a boost in my social life in the past few weeks. Want a bit of a recap of what's new? Too bad, you're getting one anyway.

1.) Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from the University I'll be attending in September telling me that on top of the entrance scholarship I'm receiving, I'll also be getting a bursary for $1,000 (that I don't have to pay back) and qualify for two more scholarships (decisions on those will be made in a few weeks). An adventure that I thought was going to cost me an arm and a leg is turning out to be a walk in the park. My mom, who was moaning that my going back to school was going to cost her retirement is now quite happy that my tuition will be so low. If I get the other scholarship(s), it might mean that I don't have to get a job when I'm in Ottawa, which is totally weird because since I was 13 years old, I've always had a job. Not to say that I wouldn't completely love being unemployed for a few months. I certainly wouldn't miss the office politics and bullshit that's going on in my office right now.

2.) Speaking of, one of my co-workers has apparently gone insane, as everyone in my office is trying to pinpoint who the office saboteur is. Over the course of about four months, I've noticed about $1,500 worth of office supplies disappear. Also, someone has been playing with the temperature on the thermostat. Not a few degrees here and there, but in the middle of a heat wave, the furnace got turned on and the office was up to 89 degrees. Then, the weather cooled off and the air conditioning was turned on so high that when I came in on Monday morning the office measured 52 degrees. Our network settings on the router were erased. Someone drew glasses, devil horns and blacked out teeth on the photos on a few of their co-worker's business cards. Nice, eh? So, I'm less of a receptionist and more of an babysitter for "professional" adults.

3.) I'm still single. And apparently, also man-repellent. True story.

4.) Apparently, the Ottawa Senators are really missing their summer days spent playing golf, because they sure as shit ain't playing hockey.

5.) I noticed I haven't done a movie review for about three months. This isn't because I stopped watching movies, but because I've become incredibly lazy. Sorry. If it helps, the third Pirates movie sucked. Sucked a lot. Johnny Depp was good (as usual), but the storyline was all over the place. I looked forward to seeing Keith Richards all movie, but his part was boring. I walked out (actually drove out - summer drive in, baby!) rather disappointed.

6.) I think I'm going to Ottawa for the Canada Day long weekend. I'm very excited for a vacation, and photos will be added post-road trip.

7.) The Canadian dollar is up to 0.944465 U.S. dollars which, if you're not aware, is an INSANE rate. When I was younger my parents would tell my brother and I that we couldn't go to Disney world that year because the dollar was only 0.65 U.S. dollars and the trip would be outrageously expensive. The rate the dollar is now (which has everyone around here in an absolute frenzy) means that I have another trip to Buffalo for some shopping planned for July-ish. They're practically PAYING me to shop (Yep, that's how I see it). I've got visions of Coach purses and cute shoes dancing in my head.

That's about it for now. I'm off to catch up on your blogs now!

Red Sky At Night...

2007-05-27T12:10:00.000-04:00

A sailor's delight!

Taken at sunset, one evening last November. I was aiming out my passenger side window going 60kms/hr. Yeah, it was saved in my cell phone all this time.

Zoo-in' It Up!

2007-05-23T14:34:00.000-04:00

I spent my long weekend at the Toronto Zoo with some friends. Zoos are kinda sad with the cages and such, but most of the animals looked pretty happy, healthy and well fed when we were there.

I finally figured out how to get photos off of my new cell phone. It wasn't the actual figuring it out part that I couldn't do, it was the getting past my laziness to upload the photos.

Sorry about the quality of the pictures. Blame it on Samsung!

Elephants!

Wall of fish!

One gorilla.

Two gorillas.

Many gorillas!

The Otter! He's my fav.

He looks like a swimming cat.

My favourite photo of the day.

A Lesson In Human Resources

2007-05-22T20:39:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, I almost reached a point where I told the woman I was training that she was too stupid to work for the company. And that's saying something, because we hire a lot of idiots. Ok, perhaps that was mean, but it's pretty accurate.

My office was in need of a part-time receptionist. Pretty much doing everything I do (surf the internet, stare out the window, make snide comments, imagine my co-worker's heads explode off their shoulders when they annoy me, etc) but doing it after I leave at 5:00pm.

A help wanted ad was placed in the local paper and resumes started pouring in. We weeded out the bad ones (major spelling errors, the under qualified, the over qualified, the ones who completely disregarded the information in the classified ad) and we came down to two candidates.

"A" was my boss' favourite. "B" was my favourite. We interviewed them both. "A" turned out to be a high-strung, jesus-lovin', sunshine and rainbows woman. "B" was professional, polite and truly wanted this crappy, minimum wage paying job. At the end of the day, boss turns to me and says "A" will start training on Monday.

Of course she will.

"A" turns up first thing on Monday. After telling her to come in at 9:30, she decides instead to "get a jump on the day" and show up at 8:45am. Before the office is open. But don't worry, she's cheery enough for the both of us. Oooohh... yeah. I hate her already.

Fine, she's here. Let's get down to brass tacks.

Mishy: Ok, first, you need to turn on the computer.

A: Right... ok... um... how do I do that?

Mishy: ... By pressing the button on the tower?

A: Right, right, of course. Of course.... the computer tower?

Mishy: [points under the desk where the tower sits]

A: Ooooh, the computer box! [fumbles for a moment and manages to turn the computer on] GOT IT!!!

Mishy: Humm... fantastic.

The day wears on and Mishy is closer and closer to completely losing her shit with this woman.

Mishy: Ok, "A", in this screen, you need to press the "F7" button.

A: "Okey-dokey!"

Now folks, if I told you to look at your keyboard and press the "F7" button, what would you push? Would you be a smart, capable human being and press the button on the top row marked "F7"? Or would you be like "A", and press the "F" key, followed by the "7" key?

After staring in awe at how she managed to get that wrong, I shook my head. When I corrected her, she turns to me and says, "Oh, well! That's what you get when you don't specify! Hahaha!"

Yeah. Exactly.

Not ten minutes later, I tell "A" to press the Escape button to exit a screen. "Humm...." she says as her eyes scan the keys. "The escape key... the escape key... um, nope. Not here!"

"Ok, what do you mean, 'its not there'"?

"No escape key here!"

"Yeah. There is. Very top left hand corner."

"Oooohh... the 'eeessssskkkkk' key. Is that the same as the escape key?"

"[sigh] Yeah... yeah it is."

"Well, that is terribly confusing."

Now, all of this would have been seen as annoying, but forgivable in my eyes. I mean, everyone has a... learning curve to get past, right? Except! Except for the fact that her resume, the one that my boss was so very WOWED by out and out lied. She had the nerve, nay! The gall to write on her resume "proficient computer skills".

Fuck, yo. It's one thing to somewhat embellish your qualifications, but that's some brass balls to put something like that on your resume.

After two days of this, I had a quick talk with my boss and we decided (read: I told him) that "A" had to go. She was quickly and quietly let go.

So, now I'm left having to write a new classified ad. I'm not sure what to put in the ad to avoid this situation from happening again, but perhaps each applicant will be subject to a computer test. It will consist of just one question: Which one of these objects on the desk is a computer? The interviewees that point to the banana will be out. The one's that point to the fax machine will be short-listed. They will however, probably be my boss' first choice.

Blogger Poll: Travel

2007-05-21T00:03:00.000-04:00

If you could travel to ONE city anywhere on the planet, with limitless money and a completely open time schedule, where would you go?

Mishy: Moscow! I've always been fascinated by Russia and it's history. Moscow is high on my travel list, as is St. Petersburg.

Below is a picture I stole from the internets of St. Basil's Cathedral.

They Say It's Your Birthday... Well, It's My Birthday Too, Yeah!

2007-05-17T20:45:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday. I'm not feeling as weird about it as I did last year. In fact, I'm really enjoying my birthday! I've got a nice looooong weekend to look forward to (thank you, Queen Victoria) and it's jam packed with fun-filled birthday events with my family and friends.

Now some facts about my birthday. Because I know you are all incredibly riveted!
_____________________________
17 May 1983

Your date of conception was on or about 24 August 1982 which was a Tuesday.

You were born on a Tuesday under the astrological sign Taurus.Your Life path number is 7.

Path Compatibility: You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7. You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 4 & 22. You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9. You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 3, 6, 8 & 11.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2445471.5.
The golden number for 1983 is 8.The epact number for 1983 is 16.
The year 1983 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/13/1983 and ending 2/1/1984.You were born in the Chinese year of the Pig.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 5 Sivan 5743.Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 6 Sivan 5743.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.9.17.7 which is12 baktun 18 katun 9 tun 17 uinal 7 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Tuesday, 4 Sha'ban 1403 (1403-8-4).

As of 5/17/2007 9:01:35 AM EDT
You are 24 years old.
You are 288 months old.
You are 1,252 weeks old.
You are 8,766 days old.
You are 210,393 hours old.
You are 12,623,581 minutes old.
You are 757,414,895 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Tahj Mowry (1987)
Andrea Corr (1974)
Jordan Knight (1970)
Trent Reznor (1965)
Enya (1961)
Sugar Ray Leonard (1956)
Bob Saget (1956)
Bill Paxton (1955)
Dennis Hopper (1936)
Maureen O'Sullivan (1911)
Ayatollah Khomeini (1902)

Top songs of 1983
Every Breath You Take by Police
Billie Jean by Michael Jackson
Flashdance by Irene Cara
Say Say Say by Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson
All Night Long by Lionel Richie
Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
Down Under by Men at Work
Beat It by Michael Jackson
Islands In the Stream by Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton
Baby, Come to Me by Patti Austin & James Ingram

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.43091976516634 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

There are 366 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 25 candles.Those 25 candles produce 25 BTUs,or 6,300 calories of heat (that's only 6.3000 food Calories!).You can boil 2.86 US ounces of water with that many candles.

Your birthstone is Emerald:
Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Emerald is used for physical and emotional healing.

Your birth tree is the Chestnut Tree, the Honesty

Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

Go here to see what your birthdate says about you.
______________________________

Also, go over to Deborah's blog today because it's also her birthday today. Happy birthday, Deb. Hope you're feeling better.

Also, head on over to Pixie's blog and wish her some belated birthday greetings. It was her birthday yesterday!

Cartoon from Toothpaste For Dinner. It never disappoints!

One Of The Seven World Wonders

2007-05-13T09:32:00.000-04:00

Over the past few weeks, several people in my office have gotten swept up in a pyramid scheme which is taking over Redneckville. The premise of this scam is to sell Power Bars. These Power Bars are reportedly magical! They will give you more energy. They will help you lose weight. They will improve your health. And all this for only $3.00 a bar. Yeah, exactly.

My co-workers seem to be in the beginning stages, where they still think this is a side business that see them their windfall. However, in order for a pyramid scheme to work as a pyramid, these people who are on the bottom must recruit other people into the venture so they are able to move up the ladder. Which means... they are all fighting over who gets to recruit me.

The Sales Pitch: "Hey, Mishy. Um, so question for you. Have you heard about this new energy bar? Because I think that you could really benefit from it. I mean, it has all these benefits! You would feel better! Plus, it's only $3.00 a day. That's nothing! And, if you really like them, I could set you up as a vendor for the product. Sell them to your friends! Make money!"

Mishy: "No thanks."

The Sales Pitch: "Ah, come on. You don't want to make any extra cash?"

Mishy: "No thanks."

The Sales Pitch: "Really? I mean, I can't see the down side to this! Can you?"

Mishy: "Actually, yes. I can. But whatever, if this is your thing, go for it. But I'm not interested."

The Sales Pitch: "Ok, what do you think could go wrong? How is this not worth it?"

Mishy: "Do you really want me to tell you?"

The Sales Pitch: "Sure! Then I'll give you the facts."

Mishy: "Alright. First, this is a pyramid scheme."

The Sales Pitch: "Uh, no. No, it's not. It's a multi-level marketing model. See, the difference between--"

Mishy: "I know the difference. The way to distinguish between a pyramid scheme and a MLM is that a MLM will allow the members to sell or use at least 70% of their product. Have you done that?"

The Sales Pitch: "Um, well, I'm working towards it... But I'm not putting my full effort into this right now..."

Mishy: "Second. As this grows and each new member is introduced, they are forced to up their prices to be able to show a profit. For instance, you just tried to sell me a bar for $3.00. I know that at the cafe up the road, I can get these bars for $2.00 and if I go directly to the person who introduced this to Redneckville, I could get them for $1.50. So, if you're showing a profit by selling each bar for $3.00 and I sign up under you, that means, if I want to see some return on my end, I'll have to charge over $3.00. And let's face it, who wants to buy an energy bar that costs more than a cup of coffee?"

The Sales Pitch: "Oh... um, well... ok. No. See..."

Mishy: "Finally, these bars are disgusting."

The Sales Pitch: (silence)

Mishy: "So, no, I don't think I'm interested. But hey, best of luck to you!"

It's about now that they turn and walk away. I've had four of my co-workers try to get me involved. One of them even asked if I was trying to lose weight. Guess what? You better work on your sales pitch because that isn't starting off on the right foot.

This being said however, if any of you are interested in purchasing some dry, flavourless, Power Bars which have the consistency of dust, email me. I can get you a good deal. Say, $3.75 a bar?

My Name is Mishy, and I'm a Facebook Addict

2007-05-07T18:58:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is, but I love Facebook. I've found people I haven't seen in years. I'm friends with friends of friends. I've got people from elementary school messaging me.

Anyone else fallen onto the bandwagon? Trust me, it's like a drug. Once you've taken the first Facebook hit, you're jonesing for another.

An International Escapade

2007-05-07T09:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, L. and I headed to Buffalo for a Girls Only Road Trip. We wanted to get a very early start to the day, so I spent the night at her apartment and we set the alarm for 6:00am on Sunday.

Before I left, I noticed that my parent's were very worried.

"Make sure to be nice to the border guards!" Mom called after me as I walked out my front door.

"Make sure you don't break the law! I'm very serious about this one!" Dad yelled.

I was halfway down the driveway, when Dad's comment stopped me. "Dad! Honestly...

"I'm not fooling around! Obey the law! When in Rome and all that..."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad, break the law!?! Ok ok, I promise not to kill a man just to watch him die! Happy?" Jeez, I get no credit in this family.

Saturday night at L.'s, we spent getting a little sloshed on very good wine, then into bed by 10:30 (we're cheap drunks) and out the door by 7:00am after our showers. We quickly stop for bagels and coffee and then we're on our way. Of course several roads and highways are closed for construction maintenance, so after some quick detours we're off on our two hour journey to Buffalo.

There is one small hitch though, as there always is whenever L. and I have an adventure planned. This time it's me. I can't find my birth certificate. I've torn my entire house apart and it's nowhere to be found. I've already ordered a new one online but it won't be here for another 10 days. Crap. Even with my driver's licence, expired passport, health card, SIN card, student cards, birth registration card (which, as it states on the back, is NOT a birth certificate) and the fact that my vehicle is registered to me in the Province of Ontario, I'm really thinking the border guard is going to turn us away and we're going to have to do our shopping in Fort Erie. That would not be fun. L. would be very mad. I would be very mad. And it's never healthy to shop while angry.

So, our two hour drive along the QEW quickly passes and we're at the border.

"Quick, L.! Which line is lucky?"

"Uh, uh, uh, uh.... THAT ONE!"

So we drive on over to the one of the middle left lanes. There's no wait, which in most cases would be awesome, but here? Now I'm stressing. There's no reason why I should be nervous; there is no outstanding warrants for my arrest and I'm not smuggling anything into the country unless you count the bag of Smarties in L.'s purse. Still, the sweat is appearing on my forehead.

"Citizenship, Ladies?"

"Canadian," We reply in unison.

"Purpose for your visit?"

"Just some shopping at the, um, Galleria," I choke out. My god, I am so un-suave.

I had both our driver's licences in my hand, so he asked to see them. I quickly hand them over.

"Ah," he says as he looks at mine. "You have a birthday coming up. Actually, we have the same birthday!"

"OH! Birthday buddies! That's really cool..." L. looks at me and gives me a look that clearly says, 'Birthday buddies? You're a loser.' But it's working so I ignore her.

"Here you go, ladies," he says as he hands back our identification. "Have a nice day!"

Oh
My
God.

We got across. This is awesome.

First, we didn't get lost, even though apparently there are like nine thousand highways, all called the "I-90", everyone going in a different direction. I didn't enjoy that at all. Also, I had to keep an eye on my speed. 55 miles an hour is really 90 kilometres an hour. With Dad's sage advice ringing in my ear, I had to make sure to stay on the right side of the law.

First, Target. It was cool, but I felt a little let down. I found a great blazer (which my mom guessed I bought for about $50.00) for $8.00! But the stuff wasn't out-of-this-world nice, like I was expecting. I think I built it up in my mind too much. Ah well, bigger and better things.

The Galleria is now open so after a quick detour through a residential neighbourhood, we find it. It's HUGE. I love it. We go in an shop our faces off in all these cool stores. For SEVEN hours we do nothing but walk and try on clothing. Our feet are dying, our arms are so sore from carrying our purchases and we are exhausted. Time for some dinner and we can blow this pop stand. Shake the dust of this town off us. Get the heck out of dodge. Do our best to get back over the border with a lot of clothing and not claim any duty.

We're in the parking lot at 6:30pm, trying to figure out what to claim (note: if any customs agents are reading this right now, please skip ahead to the very end... because I'm obviously making all this up and I of course claimed everything I was supposed to...), and we're ripping the tags off of everything and stuffing them into "my overnight bag" so I could say they were my clothes from spending the night at L.'s. Then the bag got full (we spent a lot of money and bought a LOT of stuff) so we started layering. I had on two bras, four shirts, three necklaces, two watches, a few bracelets on both wrists and I'm wearing a pair of sunglasses while my other ones are in my purse when we crossed the border. L. was about the same. We were boiling hot and sweating bullets from the stress. Oh god, if we're caught we're going to have to pay a lot of duty... and maybe get strip searched! We're going to jail! We're not built for jail! We're both fragile souls!

We get to the border, pull up to another "lucky" booth and look at the Canadian custom agent.

"Citizenship, ladies?"

"Canadian."

"Purpose of your trip?"

"Just some shopping."

"Anything to declare?"

"About one hundred dollars between the two of us."

The (totally cute) agent looks directly at us. He knows we're lying our faces off.

"Alright, ladies. Safe drive home."

God.

So the drive home pretty much consisted of, "I can't believe they let us over." "And back! Without duty!" "This was the greatest trip ever!" on a constant repeat.

However, to avoid my father's words of advice coming back to haunt me in the form of his yelling, I lied and told him I paid ten dollars in duty and L. paid $14.00 because we claimed every single thing we bought because we are both very good girls who never lie to authority figures. I think it made him very happy to hear that I'm living on the right side of the law.

Customs may have a different side to this (obviously, totally and completely fictional) story.

____________________________________

Also, quick side note: People in Buffalo have an accent. A strong one. We were barely able to comprehend our waitress not only because of how she pronounced her O's, but because of how fast she talked. I wonder if people from other regions be able to hear an accent in my speech? Hum...

____________________________________

Complete side note: I told her I was going to do this, so here it is. She knows why and she may choose to blog about her kick-ass story later, but Rebecca is my new personal hero. She's awesome and she knows why.

Guilty Pleasures

2007-04-28T22:15:00.000-04:00

There are many things in life out of which I get great joy. I share a lot of these things with my friends and family, however there are a select few which are so embarrassing that I do my very best to hide from others. But no matter the level of humiliation and shame it produces, nothing stops me from enjoying these guilty little pleasures:

1. Hilary Duff movies (and even more shameful, her music...)

2. All of Aaron Spelling's television series (Melrose, BH 90210, Malibu Shores, Sunset Beach, Pacific Palisades, The Heights (almost forgot about that one), Models Inc.,).

3. Original potato chips dipped in ketchup. Not ketchup flavoured chips, but actually dipping plain chips into ketchup. Delish!

4. Trashy novels with hot, steamy sex.

5. Katie Holmes (Honestly, I'm still pulling for her because I also still love Dawson's Creek reruns).

6. US Magazine.

7. Bi-weekly manicures and pedicures.

8. Overpriced fancy coffee.

9. Infomercials (Doesn't matter what there selling, I watch it from start to finish).

10. The Weather Network.

Yes, I watch infomercials AND the weather network. No, I'm not really 86 years old. Yes, I love Hilary Duff movies. In fact, I like all silly teen movies that often when I rent, feel forced to make up some silly cover story ("Uh, honestly Mr. Blockbuster guy, I'm only renting this latest Mandy Moore movie because I'm, um, babysitting! Yes! I'm babysitting, my, errr.... niece? Yes, my niece. And we can watch this together. While I babysit her. Heehehehe... ok, I'm just going to go home, where my niece is, to watch this. With her. Yes, together... Ok, bye!"). I enjoy them even more when I'm munching on pringles with ketchup.

I am still (barely) rooting for Katie because she was Joey Potter once upon a time (who loved Dawson, then Pacey, then Dawson, then Pacey, etc), and when I catch an old episode of Malibu Shores (with the girl who played Felicity) I'm in heaven. However, nothing compares to hot literary sex. And I think Ffleur and Prunella would agree with me on that one.

What are your dirty little indulgences?

Also, for more secrets, go to Postsecret. It's one of my weekly blog visits.

Catching Up

2007-04-26T19:15:00.000-04:00

My posting frequency has certainly been on the decline as of late. While I will admit that I am a lazy mofo who has been enjoying the nice weather, it's also because spring is the busy season for my office. March, April and May are the months where I'm actually expected to work. Ugh, how awful. So, instead of spending my days blogging, I'm actually receptionisting. And apparently, these eight hours of work a day are exhausting. Thus the reason my posts are few and far between.

Here's a quick overview of stuff that is going on.

1.) School: Yeah! I'm still excited and nervous about moving. I think I have a few good leads on some places in Ottawa, so I'm not totally freaking out, but after a posting on craigslist I have realized how many freaks and weirdos are out there. Do you know how many dirty old men have rooms to rent out really cheap to 24 year old women? Evidently, a lot...

2.) Work: Work is OK, only in the fact that I now know I won't be there for much longer. I like my job and a lot of my coworkers, but it's starting to box me in, so knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel makes me feel better.

3.) The Latest Fad Pet: Toygers. Um, adorable miniature tiger-cats in your house? AWESOME.

4.) Facebook: I admit it. I've been cheating on blogger. But facebook is just so cool. You're able to see what's going on with all those stupid kids you went to school with! You can find your friends who moved away! It has this weird stalker element that I both love and find creepy. Ah facebook. I am obsessed. Also, while I totally love my anonymity on blogger, I broke down and added a photo of myself to my facebook profile. It's freaking me out. I kinda want to remove it because it's so much information to put on the Internet. Does anyone else have a irrational fear of the information about themselves that they put out there or is it just me?

5.) Anna Nicole Smith: I'm really glad that this media frenzy is starting to die down. I didn't find it that interesting to begin with. The kid was obviously the blond dude's. Now if her baby daddy ended up being Prince Zsa-Zsa's husband? That would peak my interest.

6.) American Idol: SNOOZE-FEST. And yet, every week, there I am. Melinda will sweep it. Without Sanjaya the show has nothing!

7.) My Site Meter: I have a site meter on my blog. To the person who searched "Marie+Osmond+Nude+Pics"... um, really? Seriously? First, I don't know how you ended up at my blog. Second, do you know what Marie Osmond looks like???

8.) Earth Day: I'm really happy that this Earth Day, compared to previous ones, people are actually starting to pay attention. Being Green is totally hot this year. Just ask Kermit.

9.) Road Trip! Next weekend, a friend and I are heading over the border to Buffalo to go shopping. I hate driving with her but I'm the one with a car. We're going to hit the Walden Galleria. Aeropostale, Victoria Secret, Forever 21, Lord & Taylor, Hollister... I don't even know what these stores are, but I can't wait to find out. However, I'm most excited for Target. A TARGET! I've never been to Target! I've seen the commercials. There's some super cute stuff to be had, and there are bargains! Question: Am I too excited for Target? Can one be too excited for Target?

10.) 300: I saw it last Saturday with Rebecca. Um, yeah. It was really hot, er, I mean good. Yeah, it was reeeeeaaaaally good.

That's about it. If you don't hear from me after next Sunday, send a search party out through Buffalo looking for two lost Canadian girls. We'll probably end up in Tennessee before we even realize we're lost. But at that point, we'd just continue our way down to Daytona Beach. Spring Break, baby! I'm sure we could find some cute beachwear at a, wait for it.. Target!

Big News!

2007-04-22T00:14:00.000-04:00

I am officially headed for higher learning. On Friday I was accepted to University, so that means I'll be moving to Ottawa in four months. Yikes! I have to find a place to live and potentially a sane roommate in this time, in a city I've been to once that I will not be going to before I actually pack up my stuff to head out there.

I'm trying to keep a lid on the news in my personal life because I'd prefer it didn't get to my boss and coworkers before I'm ready to give my notice, but it seems to be spreading like wildfire already. This may possibly be due to me talking about it non-stop. I suppose you could say I'm a little excited about it all.

Settle Something For Me...

2007-04-14T22:51:00.000-04:00

I went over to Rebecca's condo today to hang out (we had a blast, by the way... thanks again, Rebecca!) and we were watching a movie that came on television. I noticed the one main character was wearing his shoes while his feet were up on the chesterfield.

"Who wears their shoes inside, let alone puts them up on the sofa?" I asked.

"Um, I don't know maybe it's an American/Canadian thing?" Rebecca replied. It's her theory that because we have wetter and snowier weather here, we always take shoes off and go either barefoot or in our socks around our homes.

So I need to know... do you wear your shoes inside your house? I am rarely, RARELY in someone's house where they say, "Oh, don't worry, just leave your shoes on." And even if they do, I still take them off because it feels rude not to.

Word to the wise, ALWAYS take your shoes off in my house. My mother has been known to get very loud and screechy when shoes are worn off the front mat.

Power Shoes...

2007-04-11T19:27:00.000-04:00

I bought some new shoes today. And, to borrow from one of the most influencial women on television today, they are "FIERCE!" (Remember, ANTM is on tonight - 8pm!)

Animal-print, peep-toe wedges. Were they a little (ok, a lot) more than I like to spend on shoes? Of course. Were they worth it? Oh yeah.

They are like sex in the form of footwear. ~sigh~

Keeping Current on ABC

2007-04-06T18:45:00.000-04:00

Haven't been watching Grey's Anatomy and now you're feeling out of the loop? No worries. Watch this video to get caught up with the sex degrees of seperation of Grey's. Also, this is pretty much how irate I get when I try to explain the show to my mother who is so lost right now. Jeez, mom. What's so hard to understand?

In other news, David Spade's, The ShowBiz Show is actually kind of funny. David Spade, funny... go figure.

Redneckville

2007-04-02T21:20:00.000-04:00

I'm not making any judgements here. Just stating the facts. The facts are:

1.) I live in Pseudo-Hickville. It's a town that tries to be hick, but is slowly becoming more and more urban.

2.) I work in Redneckville.

3.) It may be only 15 minutes away, but Redneckville has a drastically different culture than Pseudo-Hickville.

4.) Redneckville blows Pseudo-Hickville out of the water. Every. Single. Time.

Pseudo-Hickville has been my hometown since birth. My parents grew up here. My dad's parents and grandparents grew up here. My roots are soaked in the pseudo-hickness that is my town. My friends grew up on hobby-farms and road their horses. There are a lot of pick-up trucks that are driven and country songs that can be heard for miles on hot summer nights. But this is just Pseudo-Hickville. When it actually comes down to it, the majority of Pseudo-Hickvillers commute to the city, entertain their non-hick friends and pronounce their fancy wines correctly. When the situation warrants it, they gloss over any possible tell that would give them away as "country". I'll admit that I hide my non-urbanness. None of my city friends are aware that I know the words to almost all Garth Brooks songs. Yep, it's true, but I'm pleading not guilty by reason of osmosis. It was all those years of mandatory square dancing in gym class. The words are just in there!

Now, Redneckville is a very different story indeed. See, somewhere between Pseudo-Hickville and Redneckville is the cutoff line where commuting to the city everyday becomes just too much. People in Pseudo-Hickville do it. People who live in Redneckville work in Redneckville. Redneckvillians don't seem to feel the need to hide their hillbilly status. They wear it loud and proud. Emphasis on the loud. The residents in this town are very different. These people don't have hobby farms; they're actual farmers. They don't drive brand new, top-of-the-line, fully loaded pick-up trucks that they replace every four years when the lease expires; they drive worked-in, rusted half-tonnes with Dale Earnhard decals and "Git-R-Dun" bumper stickers. Merle Haggard and George Strait songs are played while "new country" is considered unholy. Shania? Not in this town, my friend. In Redneckville, people actually hunt. In Pseudo-Hickville, they play TrophyHunter on their Xbox 360's. Redneckvillians have cottages, boats, jet-skis, ATV's and snowmobiles. Their garages are larger and in their large garages, they have tools which they actually know how to use. They change their own oil instead of taking their cars into Canadian Tire for tune-ups. They're do-ers, whereas I come from a town of "I'll-pay-for-you-to-do-it-for-me-ers."

See, the thing is, I think I respect Redneckville more. It's a very different community, obviously, but in many ways they have their shit together in ways that Pseudo-Hickville will never have. There is no pretension. People are genuinely nice in Redneckville. Doors are held. People say "good morning" and exchange smiles when passing on the sidewalk. Neighbours keep an eye on the next house when owners are on vacation, parents coach their kid's hockey and baseball teams, and every other weekend people invite you up to their cottage for the weekend. It's sort of a modern-day Mayberry.

I'm going to be moving in September. Leaving both towns for university life in downtown Ottawa (you know, if I'm excepted) and I'm starting to feel a bit sad. I'm going to miss it. Other than my family being in Pseudo-Hickville, I think I'll miss Redneckville more. It's small town charms have a way of growing on a girl... ya'll.

Review: Premonition (2007)

2007-03-28T22:28:00.000-04:00

Let's just say that I wish I had a premonition that this movie wouldn't suck as hard as it did before I paid the admission price.

I'm Taking a Mulligan On The Entire Day

2007-03-28T16:04:00.000-04:00

Today was not a good day. Even my horoscope told me that. "You need to be clear and set boundaries today." It wasn't lying.

From start to finish, work sucked. Lately, I seem to have taken on the burden of being the office go-to girl. Yes, I am the receptionist, administrator and overall office manager, but when the people in my office were coming to me to whine and complain the most arbitrary of issues, all I could think was "Sweet jesus, I don't get paid enough for this bullshit." My stress levels were through the roof.

I usually handle it all better than I did today. By the time 1:30pm rolled around I was ready to stab the next person who spoke to me. Seriously. I put away all sharp instruments. My stomach was in knots. So, because I was so out of wack today and my co-workers were coming closer and closer to bodily harm, I decided to do something about it. I closed the office. I went home sick. While I was feeling ill, it was mostly a mental health day. I still think it must have been my horoscope. My moons are not in the right house or something.

Now, at 4:13pm, I'm not regretting my decision. Neither is my glass of wine. Right about now, we're both feeling quite nice.

So here's to a better tomorrow; where there the chances of a hostage negotiator being called to my office will not be as likely.

What I'm Reading Now

2007-03-22T13:28:00.000-04:00

I'm on a reading binge right now, which may explain my absence from my blog. But reading stuff that is not on a computer monitor is a good thing every now and then. It saves your eyesight and decreases your monthly Internet bill.

I want to join a book club in my area, but I can't seem to find one where they read the types of books I would be interested in. I'm still keeping my eyes peeled for something.

Anyway, on to the rundown of my latest reading adventures:

The Natashas - Victor Malarek
Victor Malarek is an investigative journalist with Canada's W-Five. When he was doing press for the release of The Natashas in 2003, I caught an interview of him promoting the book. Troubled by stories of women and children being trafficked in and out of countries for sex, Malarek travels abroad, mostly to former Soviet nations, to find out how the dissolution of the Soviet Union influenced the increasing numbers of people being bought and sold as sex slaves.

Currently, sex trafficking is the third most profitable trade in the world, behind only weapons and drug trafficking. Women and children, mostly girls are often lured from their poor and rural towns with promises of earning money working in restaurants, hotels, nannies and models in foreign countries. Only when they arrive, more often that not, they find the job never existed. Quickly, they are bought and sold, told that until they "work off their debt" they are considered property. They are held as sex slaves in deplorable conditions. While each woman may bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars, their debt of a few hundred can take years to "repay".

In his travels, Malarek writes about the girls he meets, the men who visit the brothels and what happens to women who try to escape. Surprisingly, (or not, I suppose) Malarek notes that the men who are exploiting these women are often high standing men of their communities: doctors, lawyers, devoutly religious men, and sometimes, the people whose jobs it is to protect these women. He notes instances of U.N. and NATO officers and peacekeepers using and abusing these women.

The Natashas is full of startling facts and statistics as well as personal stories from sex trade survivors. It details heartbreaking stories of escape, abuse and violence across many countries. Truly an eye opening book, it provided me with a new awareness about a horrific global problem that no nation is immune from.

__________________________________

Bel Canto - Ann Patchett
It's a beautiful party. All dressed in formal attire, the group of business men, politicians and international figures gather in the vice president's home for a lovely party celebrating Mr. Hosokawa's birthday. Everyone has come to this small, unnamed South American country for his birthday in hopes that if he's impressed, he will consider opening a factory to boost the country's economy. Mr. Hosokawa has no intention of ever putting a factory here, and in fact he had no intention of even attending this party, were it not for one person. Roxanne Cross, the famed opera singer, who's soprano voice makes Mr. Hosokawa feel alive, would be performing at the party. This very fact brought him, his wife and his translator halfway around the world. To hear her sing, live and in person, would make him travel any distance.

Once the dinner is cleared and Roxanne has stunned the party goers with her soft yet full voice, the lights go out. In a flash of pandemonium, a group of rebels have infiltrated the party, guns pointed and orders screamed. All they want is the country's president. Unfortunately for all involved, the president declined his invitation to this party. Left without a plan, the hostage takers must come up with a new plan of how to make this work. They must rely on Mr. Hosokawa's translator, Gen, to relay messages to the group in English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Russian, and German.

The night turns into many days as the standoff turns into a standstill. Relationships among the hostages and the captors are built and soon they find it hard to remember what life was like outside the house. In fact, many of them prefer to not think about what will happen when their new found situation ends. But sooner or later, it has to end.

_________________________________

Circle of Friends - Maeve Binchy
I'm only halfway through the book, but so far it's better than the movie. And the movie was amazing.
__________________________________

Have you been reading anything interesting lately?

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

2007-03-16T14:38:00.000-04:00

Today, I have officially paid off my personal loan for my car. She may be a lemon, but she's my lemon, and I love her with all my heart.*

*Note: The love becomes null and void when she breaks down. Then I hate her with a passion and seriously contemplate moving to the city where the only transportation required is that of the public variety.

Very Superstitious...

2007-03-14T13:59:00.000-04:00

We've got a pretty cool thunderstorm happening here right now which got me to thinking about some of the things I'm superstitious about. For instance:

When I was little, I used to go to my neighbour's house when my parents were working. She had this thing during thunderstorms where she had to put all her pairs of scissors away in drawers. She said it was bad luck to have them sitting out on tables or countertops because it increased the chances of having the house struck by lightning. I never really believed that a bolt of lightning would strike the house because a pair of sewing scissors was sitting on a side table, but just now, I took my pair that sits out on my desk at work and threw them into my drawer.

My mom has a thing where she yells "Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits!" first thing in the morning on the first day of every month. It is supposed to bring good luck to be the first in the household to say it.

I was at a summer wedding a few years ago. It starts off as a beautiful day. Blue sky, warm temperatures, sun shining. Just as the bride was about to come down the aisle, the sky opens up and rain of biblical proportions starts coming down. Also, this was an outside wedding. So we're all soaking wet trying to get inside the tent before we all resemble drowned rats. Ten minutes later, the rain clears just as quickly as it starts. Everyone was upset that the rain ruined the wedding, but I always heard rain was a good thing because if it rains on your wedding day, it represents all the tears that won't be shed during the marriage. At any rate, they are still happily together. Plus, the rest of the night was beautiful and mostly everybody forgot about the rain delay.

I always knock on wood for prevention. A few months ago, my entire office was full of sick people coughing, sneezing and blowing their germ infested noses while simultaneously borrowing and touching my stuff. "Oh, how have you managed to escape this cold?" Knock on wood. And why don't you go home, you germ factory?

Seeing a white horse will cure you from hiccups. It's just too bad that I never got the hiccups in the vicinity of a white horse to test this one.

Opening an umbrella indoors or passing someone on the stairs is never ever done in my house, because they are two things that cause terrible luck.

If the head of a bed is placed towards the north it foretells a short life, towards the south a long life, the east riches, the west travel. My bed faces east. I need the cash. My parent's face to the south and my brothers faces west.

Sometimes I forget, but when walking with someone, if something or someone comes between us, I try to say "bread and butter", to ensure a long-lasting relationship.

Ok, so these are some of my quirks. Have you guys heard of any of these? Is there stuff on my list that you've never heard of before? What are your superstitions?

Mani/Pedi

2007-03-11T15:29:00.000-04:00

My fingers and toes feel so pretty now. My esthetician is a miracle worker seeing as she managed to change my winter hoofs back into human feet in only 45 minutes.

A Lesson in Genetics

2007-03-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

Mom: Look at my new ring. Isn't it pretty?
Mishy: Oh yeah, very. Let's see it.
Mom: [hands Mishy the ring] Here.
Mishy: It's nice. I'd like to borrow it, but it doesn't fit.
Mom: What do you mean? Which finger are you wearing it on?
Mishy: My ring finger. Same as you.
Mom: Holy crap! How big are those sausage fingers of yours? How haven't I noticed your man-hands before?
Mishy: I don't know, but they are pretty big and manish to miss.
Mom: Well, you don't get those from me.
Mishy: No kidding. You're the one who got yourself impregnated by a giant, and now I'm left with 50% ogre genes.
Dad: [from the kitchen] What are you talking about?
Mishy: My man hands.
Dad: [walking into the room] Man hands, eh? Let's see.
Mishy: [holds her hand up to Dad's hand] Told you.
Dad: Jesus. You should play basketball or something.
Mishy: Well I would, but you knocked up an uncoordinated, unathletic woman. You two made me 50% ogre and 50% that kid who failed gym class.
Mom: Please, you didn't fail gym. [Laughs] I mean, with those meaty hands I bet you could throw a mean dodgeball.
Dad: [laughs] And your hands are already the size of baseball gloves so you'd probably be great at catching those line drives.
Mishy: Well, this is just great. I love you guys too.

No Forgetting!

2007-03-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

Otherwise you are going to be late to all your appointments tomorrow.

Spring is Almost Sprung!

2007-03-08T13:15:00.000-05:00

Ok ok, after rereading my last few posts, I've realized that my blog has turned into The Weather Network, but this time, with more depression! However, I am thankful that tomorrow the temperatures in my area are supposed to go above freezing! Yes! The sun is shining and spirits are lifted. I'm not sure why this winter affected me so badly, especially considering how late winter actually arrived this year, but everyone I talk to seems to say the same thing: that if spring doesn't get here soon, we're going to pull out our hair. And while bald may be the new trend, hair really keeps one's head warm during Canadian winters.

Moving on from my weather related funk, here are some Mishy updates:

-- I just did my taxes and I'm getting a refund. In your face, federal government!

-- Still no word on my university admissions. Boo.

-- On Saturday, I've booked an appointment at a local salon for a manicure, pedicure and mini-facial. I'm looking forward to that. I'm going to pick out a cute shade for my toes and then go shoe shopping. I have nothing for when nicer weather comes.

-- Veronica Mars is a very, very, good television show. I may have found this out by buying season one and two on DVD and watching these 44 hours of television in less than a week. Which is more hours than I work in a week. So, it's obviously a recommendation.

That's it for now. As you can see, my life = thrilling.

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine, You Make Me Happy, When Skies Are Grey...

2007-03-05T14:40:00.000-05:00

Last Thursday and Friday, Mother Nature delivered a massive snow storm to my area. I left work early on Thursday and ended up being over three hours late on Friday because of a crazy power outage that lasted for almost 10 hours. Well, the combination of the snow, the cold weather that quickly warmed up, blanketed the region in a thick layer of ice. So, downtown Toronto is now under a "Falling Ice" warning, because big pieces of ice are falling off of high rises and skyscrapers to the roads below. The area around the C.N. Tower is still roped off with police tape as huge chunks fall to the parking lots and roads below.

Today brought more snow. There were complete white outs as I drove into work today, white-knuckling it the whole way in, just hoping that I was still on my side of the road. There are accidents and roads closed all around me, which makes me think that there is a good possibility that I am going to be stuck at work tonight. I've checked out the info on the roads, and I can not find a route home. I really don't want to be stuck here because there's no roads that lead back to my town.

So, combine this with my preexisting rage over the snow and dreary weather and you have a recipe for disaster. I'm coming very close to either quiting my job, packing up all my stuff and heading south, or finding that stupid, lying, little groundhog and teaching him what for. While I can't afford to quit my job, I also don't need PETA on my ass for beating up a rodent. Damn you, Mother Nature! You win again.

My University Applications Are Done and Sent...

2007-03-02T22:07:00.000-05:00

And now comes the waiting part. I probably shouldn't be freaking out as much as I am, but I can't stop. I'm compulsively checking my application status online and I'm getting the mail everyday after work.

I'm hoping I don't drive myself crazy - too crazy for higher learning - before I find out whether or not I'm in.

I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Take Your Mental Breakdown Outside...

2007-02-27T13:08:00.000-05:00

Lately, it seems that everyone around me has taken a cue from one Ms. Britney Spears. They all went and lost their damn minds. And now their insanity is infiltrating my life. I don't get it. Some people feel very comfortable sharing their drama and making it apart of other people's lives. I know if I ever dare to burden other people with my shit, my mother would probably be the first to knock the stupid out of me.

Maybe it's a full moon or something but my stress levels are teetering on stroke-inducing. So, to relax tonight, I'm turning off my phone, taking a bubble bath and drowning my sorrows in a few litres of wine. Because as you can see, my coping mechanisms are top-notch.

Maybe I could hire my mother to go around and be my enforcer. Except instead of breaking knee caps to get my money out of welchers, she'll just go around and knock some common sense into people. She could do it too. She's like Dr. Phil, except with more rage and less southern twang.

Mishy's Second Annual Academy Award Predictions

2007-02-25T12:32:00.000-05:00

Here are my predictions for the 2007 winners. My predictions are bolded and italicized. Last year I got 5/6 predictions correct. I'm not feeling as confident this year because I haven't seen as many of the movies. In fact, these are mostly just shots in the dark. However, if I end up getting all 7 predictions correct, I will be starting up my own psychic hotline. Only $3.99 a minute!

Best Actor:
Leonardo DiCaprio: Blood Diamond
Ryan Gosling: Half Nelson
Peter O'Toole: Venus
Will Smith: The Pursuit Of Happyness
Forest Whitaker: The Last King of Scotland - WINNER

Best Supporting Actor:
Alan Arkin: Little Miss Sunshine - WINNER
Jackie Earle Haley: Little Children
Dijmon Hounsou: Blood Diamond
Eddie Murphy: Dreamgirls
Mark Wahlberg: The Departed

Best Actress:
Penelope Cruz: Volver
Judi Dench: Notes on a Scandal
Helen Mirren: The Queen - WINNER
Meryl Streep: The Devil Wears Prada
Kate Winslet: Little Children

Best Supporting Actress:
Adriana Barraza: Babel
Cate Blanchett: Notes on a Scandal
Abigail Breslin: Little Miss Sunshine
Jennifer Hudson: Dreamgirls - WINNER
Rinko Kikuchi: Babel

Best Director:
Alejandro González Iñárritu: Babel
Martin Scorsese: The Departed - WINNER
Clint Eastwood: Letters from Iwo Jima
Stephen Frears: The Queen
Paul Greengrass: United 93

Documentary Features:
Amy Berg and Frank Donner: Deliver Us From Evil
Davis Guggenheim: An Inconvenient Truth - WINNER
James Longley and John Sinno: Iraq in Fragments
Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady: Jesus Camp
Laura Poitras and Jocelyn Glatzer: My Country, My Country

Best Picture:
Babel
The Departed - WINNER
Letters from Iwo Jima
Little Miss Sunshine
The Queen

11:00pm Update: Sweet jesus this show is running long. Way too much singing and Ellen isn't very funny. I'm contemplating going to bed, because let's face it, there will be winners and losers tomorrow too. Ok, no. I'm going to power through it. Maybe.

11:26pm Update: Fuck it. I'm going to bed. This show was ten shades of awful.

9:16am Update: Four out of seven isn't bad. But Miss Cleo I'm not.

Something I Just Realized...

2007-02-19T22:43:00.000-05:00

I just realized this. Which may mean I'm a little slow. However, when I realized it, I found it rather amusing. Because you can't make this shit up. Ok. Ready?

Seriously. You are going to need to prepare yourself for this.

Ok.

Here goes.

For real now.

Ok.

Cameron Diaz was dating Justin Timberlake. Now, she's rumoured to be dating surfer Kelly Slater. This means...

(Wait for it...Wait. For. It.)

Cameron Diaz went... From Justin To Kelly.

Someday, I hope my lovelife can be worked into an amusing joke about a terrible American Idol inspired movie.

Review: Never Been Kissed (1999)

2007-02-18T14:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think, "Man, high school would be very different if I knew half the things I know now". Although I'm not sure you could pay me enough to go back. High school could be a great time if you were popular. If you were even a little bit different, stood out in any way, well, best of luck to you.

Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore) is just happy that her high school torture is over. "Josie Grossie" was the biggest nerd, in love with the most popular boy in school. She thought her life was complete when Billy Prince asked her to the prom, and felt her life was over when it turned out it was all a big joke at her expense.

Today Josie is the youngest copy editor at the Chicago Sun Times. She's still a nerd, but at least now she's in an environment where she won't get stuffed into a locker for it. Determined to make her break into reporting, Josie's big opportunity comes when her boss gives her an undercover assignment. Next week, she's going back to high school to find out exactly what teenagers are about. At first, she's over the moon. It's her chance to prove her writing skills to everyone at work. But then reality sinks in. Josie is going back to high school.

Josie's first couple of weeks are less than spectacular. Save for the nerdy girl Aldys who Josie identifies with and the smart (and hot) English teacher who believes in her, her second turn at as a teenager is looking bleak. Under serious pressure from her boss to turn in an amazing story, Josie, with the help of her brother, morphs into a popular girl. Even though she has to turn her back on Aldys, she is finally getting everything she wanted. She's got cool friends, stylish clothing and the most popular boy in school has asked her to the prom. So why doesn't she feel happy?

The prom approaches and Josie realizes she has to prioritize her life. How important is being popular? Is she willing to hurt her true friends so her fair-weathered ones will approve of her? Will she be able to get her story without hurting anyone? Will she finally get kissed?

Never Been Kissed isn't Drew Barrymore's best movie, but it isn't her worst. It's cute, fluffy and full of love and good feelings. Which on snowy, grey, cold days is exactly what I look for in a movie. Need a pick-me-up movie? This is a good bet to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Even if your high school experience was less than stellar.

Isn't it funny how nothing about high-school really matters once your out of it? In high school, I was an artsy, drama-geek who wore black clothing all the time. What group were you part of?

There Are A Few Perks To Small Town Life

2007-02-14T18:32:00.000-05:00

On my drive home tonight, I'm behind this SUV. We're in town and going about 25kms/hour. However, as I approach a red light, I feel my car start to slide. Damned snow. The plows never clear the roads well in this town. My car is skidding, albeit in slow motion, and my breaks are starting to lock up. Damn. I just know what is going to happen.

~tap~

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Fuck. I hit the car. Just a little bit, but I still hit it. On go the four way flashers on both our vehicles. I'm out of my car, inspecting any damage to her SUV (because let's face it, my beast is indestructible) and I hear her door close. I look up as the other driver comes around, I look up and see... my childhood best friend's mother.

"Oh my god! I haven't seen you in so long! How are you doing? What have you been up to? How are your parents? Oh, what a coincidence!"

"Um, hi. I just hit your car. I am so, so, so sorry!"

"Oh please. I drive a tank. There's no damage. I don't see any damage, do you? No, nothing. Just a little dirt. Is your car ok?"

"Oh yeah, nothing wrong with it."

"Fantastic! So how are you doing? What did you end up doing after high school? I can't believe I ran into you! Oh, well... I guess you ran into me, eh? Hahaha!"

"Um... yes, I did run into your car, and again, I am so very sorry."

"Ok, can we stop talking about that? It's not a big deal! No damage. Promise."

We talked for a few minutes, then she gave me a big hug and told me not to be a stranger. Only in a small town, I suppose. Still, I feel like such an asshole. While I was hoping cupid was going to bring me a tall, dark and handsome stud, I'm chalking this one up to a Valentines day miracle. And I'm staying at home for the rest of the night.

Why Smoking is Bad News

2007-02-13T21:16:00.000-05:00

This commercial cracks me up everytime I see it.

Review: Spy Game (2001)

2007-02-06T21:12:00.000-05:00

I love spy movies. Often times, I'm not in the mood for a particular movie genre, but I'm always up for a good espionage flick. I get this from my father who keeps at least four half read spy novels in different rooms around the house at all times. When I was about eight, he and I rented Hunt For Red October, Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger one weekend when mom was away for the day. We both agree that Harrison Ford was the better Jack Ryan. I mean, Alec Baldwin? Really? And don't even get me started on how Ben Affleck butchered the series. Ben Affleck ruins everything.

Anyway, when Spy Game was released in 2001, I saw it in the theatre. Opening weekend. The movie starts on Nathan Muir's (Robert Redford) last day before retirement from the CIA. Instead of an uneventful ending to his career, Muir is woken up by a phone call giving him the news that one of the field agents whom he trained for the job was captured in China and is now being tortured. Tom Bishop's (Brad Pitt) mission was to infiltrate the Su Chou prison to rescue one of the prisoners. When the plan is foiled, Bishop is the one needing rescue.

Muir finds himself called into a private meeting to debrief other high-ranking agency members about Bishop. Cautious of the information he is giving, a story soon starts to unravel. How Bishop was recruited for the field agent job. His background. How he was trained. Other missions he has completed. Muir begins to realize that the agency isn't moving very quickly to put together a rescue mission for Bishop. Do they even plan to get him out, or will he die there? Muir decides he needs to work both ends, simultaneously appeasing his colleagues and planning his own rescue for his protegee.

Spy Game is a great movie. I find that these types of films are very susceptible to plot holes, but this one seemed to be well thought out. Something else I enjoy about spy movies are their international location shoots. This film was shot in Lebanon, Germany, Hungary, Morocco, Israel, Czech Republic, China and Canada. It's like travelling without ever having to leave your house. Plus, Robert Redford and Brad Pitt are pretty good in it. Redford does most of the acting, but Pitt is great at being tortured. In fact, I'm looking into getting myself imprisoned by a foreign government, just to be rescued by a sexy spy. Now wouldn't that be a great "so how did you two meet" story?

Review: The Voyage of the Mimi (1984)

2007-02-02T23:34:00.000-05:00

Many of the years I spent in grade school were just filler. Class sizes were huge, teachers were burned out and kids were pumped so full of ADD meds that the half the students didn't know if they were coming or going. Teachers ended up resorting to many ways to pass the time.

Remember how fun it was to have class outside? Exactly, it was fun because we were outside and not learning anything.

Extended gym class was great. I'm convinced that all their plan of All Morning Dodgeball was 50% payback for us students giggling through sex ed, and 50% an excuse so they could go smoke in the parking lot.

And my absolute favourite waste of time: Field trips. We took field trips all over the place! Every week we were on one, except they were not the typical trips to the zoo, the science centre, stage plays, historical sites. No, the school didn't want to have to pay for the bus. So teachers recruited "parent helpers" to assist with the wrangling of 35 nine year olds to take them to various places in town. We learned how the mail is sorted at the post office, the money was sorted at the bank and the dogs were groomed at the vet's. We walked to the grocery store, the hardware store and the flower store. We learned about dental hygiene at the dentist office, about eye health at the optometrist's office and about our changing bodies at the doctor's office. I believe all this is the root cause as to why I don't know how to do math. But man, did we get a workout, parading back and forth through town every week.

Something that brings up very bad memories for me is our grade seven time waster. The 13-part miniseries entitled, The Voyage of the Mimi. Centred around a young boy, C.T. Granville, living on a ship with his grandfather and a crew of scientists, the series attempts to teach the audience about science and math while telling the story. We were supposed to learn about sailing, sea life, and measurements. Instead, my class learned about passing notes, silently flirting with our crushes of the week and how to nap without the teacher noticing.

Somewhat interesting fact: Who was that young actor who played the boy, living on the Mimi, responsible for teaching thousands of young children about marine life? None other than Mr. Ben Affleck.

It's no wonder than when I grew up I was always a Matt Damon girl. I will forever be biased against Mr. Affleck for those 13 long hours of grade seven hell. Gigli didn't work in his favour either.

I Caved.

2007-02-01T23:06:00.000-05:00

I don't love it but blogger wouldn't let me sign in unless I switched to beta blogger. Extortion!

I must admit that liked old blogger better. He was simple and easy and neat. New blogger is flashy and complicated and "oohh, look at me adding labels to your post!".

As you can probably tell, I occasionally have trouble when it comes to change. Even stupid change, like versions of blogger.

Wait, let me use the word "blogger" again because I'm not sure if I've written it enough in this post. Ok, that should be good.

We're OVER!

2007-01-26T16:40:00.000-05:00

I never thought finally paying off my Visa would feel as satifying as it does. It's been a long time (too long) coming, and my school debt set me back some, but I'm finally calling an end to this toxic relationship I have with Visa. They can take their interest rates and shove 'em.

Plus, I get to mark #21 off my 101 in 1001 list. Let's just hope this sticks.

This Is Ridiculous.

2007-01-26T16:20:00.000-05:00

It's -19 degrees here.

Minus.
NINETEEN.

Most people in my office are on vacation in sunny places like Cuba. Mexico. Florida.

They think it's cute when they call me at the office and can hear my teeth chattering over the phone, despite my personal-sized heater and fleece blanket I am currently keeping at my desk. Then they tell me that they will try to send some of their sun and warmth up to me. Then they laugh and say they have to get back to the pool.

Sometimes, people are jerks.

Review: The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)

2007-01-24T23:04:00.000-05:00

So I have this friend, you see? And last Saturday night, she found herself unable to sleep. So she turns on the television and finds herself watching the entire Lizzie McGuire movie. She didn't even stop when she started to feel tired. Anyway, uh, my friend wanted me to tell you guys that it is not a good movie. In fact, it really sucks. So, if I were you guys, you should really trust my friend when she says that even if you find this movie on television, for free, late at night when you can't sleep, that you should just turn on the news or something. Watch some CNN or even some Felicity reruns, but never should your first choice be The Lizzie McGuire Movie.

But this, ahem, friend of mine wanted me to stress to you guys that she certainly did not feel happy and a little uplifted at then end when Lizzie outsmarted the cute but conniving Italian boy, met her European doppelganger who was a teen popstar that Lizzie was impersonating before she realized the Italian boy's true colours, and got over her stagefright to sing in front of her friends and family on a huge concert stage in Rome, realizing that sometimes, sometimes, dreams can come true.

Because that would just be pathetic and I try to limit the patheticness of my, uh... friends.

The "After" Hair

2007-01-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

Here's the final result. A little darker, a little shorter and the layers make look wavier. Or it's just really messy. Yep, that's probably it. Ah well, it was mostly the colour that changed this time around.

Working on Getting Back in the Groove

2007-01-23T19:48:00.000-05:00

I knew something was up when I was invited out on a Friday night with friends and the first thought in my head was, Oh, but tonight is a new episode of Ghost Whisperer. Then I shook my head and wondered three things.

1.) Why would I rather stay at home on a Friday night than go out with friends?
2.) Why would I rather stay at home on a Friday night and watch Ghost Whisperer than go out with friends?
3.) How in god's name do I know it's a new episode?!?!

I have been feeling pretty down the last few weeks. A few years ago, my doctor said what I was probably feeling was a result of seasonal affective disorder and he gave me a lamp to sit under which was supposed to act like the sun and get me back to my old self. Well, it was warm. And bright. But that's about all that it was really good for. So every winter as the days get shorter and the sun is out for less and less time, I end up feeling rather tired and depressed. At the onset, I'm always convinced I've got mono again, rush over to the doctors, have him tell me "No, you do not have mono, we go through this every year" and realize I've just got to wait it out until the spring. But, combine this with my out of wack adrenal gland, and I am usually a complete mess from mid-November to early March.

I suppose this is just one of the perks for living so far away from the equator and it's beautiful sun. Once my body goes into sun-withdrawal, my energy levels go down, meaning I don't exercise. Then my body begins to crave unhealthy food, which I give into. So the more mash potatoes, cake, pasta, chocolate, cookies, and coffee I consume, the more fatigued I feel and the less energy I seem to have. It's a vicious, yet delicious cycle.

Last Wednesday, I made a resolution to do what I could to change some of this. Every evening, I'm hauling my but downstairs to jump on the (barely used) treadmill my family has (it's a dust collector) and I'm going for an hour long walk. Also, every morning, I will be eating breakfast. And good breakfast, not something like Count Chocula.*

I don't really see a down to eating better and working out. I'm not really looking to lose weight, but I'm not opposed to getting in shape and maybe toning up. But I will be super pissed if flabby is The In Look next season.

Tomorrow will be day seven of my experiment and I'm feeling pretty good. I'd still rather be lying in bed than working out and I think I've hit my yoghurt limit, but my sleep has improved and I've stopped dozing off at work. Which totally speaks to how much I deserve a raise and vacation, right?

So, here's hoping this thing eases up and I can get back to not being a dork who watches bad Jennifer Love Hewitt television on Friday nights. Seriously, have you seen this show? It's pretty terrible.

*Ok, so I may have an unhealthy addiction to Count Chocula. But only because it turns the milk into chocolate milk! It may not be water into wine, but it's still pretty magical first thing in the morning.

To Cut Or Not To Cut...

2007-01-18T21:18:00.000-05:00

I have an appointment to get my hair cut on Saturday. I get my hair cut and highlighted about four times a year as my hair is long, straight and doesn't require much maintenance. I enjoy this fact about my hair.

Every time I go, I have a grand plan in my head of what I want my hair to look like. Curly is one, but alas, that dream will never be reached with my flat, pin-straight, white girl hair. Even with a curling iron, it falls straight. I'd also like to try a dark, rich brunette, but I think it might accentuate my pale, pasty, white girl skin. I've tried bright blonde before, but I have darker eyebrows, so I wasn't overly thrilled with the result. Red did not work. At all. Going really short was once a horrific story, so I tend to keep it at least just below my chin to avoid another painful grow-out period. Bangs would be interesting and I think I could pull them off, but I worked so hard to grow them out (in grade two, but still...) that I don't know if I could go back. My hair is pretty long right now, but I think if I let it get much longer, it would look flat and lifeless.

When each appointment comes up, all these options run through my mind as my hairdresser asks me what I want done. I pause and then always reply, "Oh, the same as last time, I suppose... sigh." You know, sometimes, I am a risk taker, but when it comes to my hair, I'm stuck in a rut.

Oh, and does anyone else think it's amusing as to how paranoid I am about the internet and my identity? No worries, I know I'm crazy.

My Top 25 Songs

2007-01-12T14:37:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, La over at My Looking Glass, put the challenge out there and I am responding. I don't have an iPod or iTunes or any of that, so to get me through my work day, I log into YouTube and search for high quality music videos and listen that way. So here are my top 25 most listened to songs that save me from work-day hell:

Sing - Travis
Sunday Morning - k-os *
Look After You - The Fray
Wheat Kings - The Tragically Hip *
Side - Travis
Grace, Too - The Tragically Hip *
Malibu - Hole
Raspberry Beret - Prince
Black Black Heart - David Usher *
The Grace - Neverending White Lights *
Nothing Left to Lose - Matt Kearney
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Save Your Scissors - City and Colour *
Nautical Disaster - The Tragically Hip *
The Warrior - Scandal
Comin' Home - City and Colour *
Cry - The Philosopher Kings *
Mad World - Gary Jules/Michael Andrews
Five Long Years - Colin James *
Young Americans - David Bowie
Maggie May - Rod Stewart
Listen Like Thieves - INXS
Hurt - Johnny Cash
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Bridge To Nowhere - Sam Roberts *

______________________________________________

*Canadian artists (The Neverending White Lights have both Canadian and American artists)

So this is my list.

I highly recommend checking out k-os. He's got some great singles out.

The Tragically Hip is possibly my favourite band. They are excellent live and I recommend going to their concerts if you have the chance. "Wheat Kings" is a song about David Milgaard. He was 16 in 1970 when he was sentenced to life in prison for the murder of a young nursing student, Gail Miller, in Saskatoon. Despite protests of his innocence and a particularly questionable trial, he was found guilty and spent the next 23 years in prison until cleared by DNA. Milgaard was compensated $10 million dollars for his wrongful imprisonment in 1999. The man who murdered Miller was arrested in 1997 and is currently in prison.

Happy weekend everyone!

At This Rate, I'll Be Dead By Saturday.

2007-01-10T11:01:00.000-05:00

This has been one crazy weekend/beginning of the week of bad luck on my part. Here's some of the craziness that has gone down since Friday.

1. I had to put up with the constant talker at work on Friday.

2. I was washing some dishes in the kitchen sink when the tap fell apart in my hand, causing the water to soak both me and the entire kitchen (walls, appliances, ceiling), with puddles in the dining room and hallway. Spent 30 minutes and used 4 dish towels drying everything off.

3. Dropped little brother off at the train station yesterday so he could get back to university. Got caught in a torrential rain storm. Got re-soaked.

4. My internet connection went down on Saturday afternoon. Spent over two hours on the line with tech support before I realized that I must have accidentally pushed out a small button on the outside of my laptop that turns off my internet connection. Pushed it back in and my internet came back up. Complete waste of both my time and the poor tech support person's time.

5. Realized on Saturday morning that someone hit my car in the bookstore parking lot on Friday night. Dented in and scratched up my back, driver's side door. No note or anything, natch. Very big dent. Will cost about $100.00 to get pulled out and have the scratches painted over. My insurance deductible is $500.00 so I'm paying for it myself, plus it would be pointless to put through a small comprehensive claim that would just up my insurance premium. UPDATE: My quarterly GST (Federal government Goods and Services Tax) cheque just came in, so I have ended up signing it over to my dad who took my car to get fixed on Monday. So I guess it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Plus, the guy who pulled the dent out did a pretty good job considering what it looked like.

6. Spilled an entire cup of very hot, hot chocolate all over my lap.

7. Stubbed my baby toe on the foot of my bed. It's broken. Totally hurt more than the hot chocolate incident. I've taped it to the toe next to it and it usually take me about a month or so for my toes to heal. I've broken several toes, but it never ceases to hurt like crazy.

8. Dropped a full, large coffee cup down my pant leg and into the snow as I was coming into the office on Tuesday morning. Had to deal with coffee-pants for eight hours before I could go home and change.

9. It's snowing pretty crazy here today (Wednesday). I went to get out of my car in the parking lot of work but my one foot outside my car slipped on some ice so I fell backwards inside my car, simultaneously cracking my head off the top of my car while setting off my car alarm. My lunch is wet and my head hurts.

So, my only conclusions are that either someone higher up is telling me to just stay in bed or I've suddenly been transported into a really bad Lindsay Lohan movie. Either way, this seriously sucks. Does anyone know how to break a bad luck curse?

No, Seriously. I'm Going To Need You To Stop Talking Now.

2007-01-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

Today, I met one of those people who feels the need to verbalize every thought that enters her head. And everything she does. And every thing she may do at a later date. And then she finishes every sentence with the most annoying nervous laughter I have ever been subjected to. This woman rivals Jack Bauer when it comes to torture technique.

She's been here for three and a half hours now. I have another hour to go before I'm done work. There is a very good chance I will not make it until then.

Will someone please tell my family that I love them? And I have some movies that need to go back to Blockbuster. I hear those fines fuck up one's credit report, even posthumously.

Picture from ToothpasteForDinner.

Review: The Holiday (2006)

2007-01-03T21:47:00.000-05:00

After walking out of the theatre, several thoughts passed through my mind:

1. If talent truly measured success than Cameron Diaz would be working at her local Dunkin' Donuts.

2. If talent truly measured success than Kate Winslet would have Cameron Diaz's current paycheque.

3. If talent truly measured success than Jude Law would still be a British soap actor. And only a British soap actor.

4. If talent truly measured success than Jack Black would forever disappear from my life.

5. If a movie's success at the box office truly measured how good it is, The Holiday would be the first movie to make negative dollars.

Ok ok, it wasn't that bad. I guess. But it wasn't that good. The movie was about 30 minutes too long. There were major plot holes. Other than Kate Winslet, the acting was terrible. Cameron Diaz is one of the worst actors I've ever seen. Jack Black, is the funny comedy leading man but he's just not a romantic-comedy leading man. Trust me, there is a big difference. And finally, Jude Law, while somewhat cute, in my mind, he will only ever be the dude who cheated on his wife with his girlfriend and then cheated on the girlfriend with his kid's nanny. I mean, seriously dude, keep your business and your wandering penis out of the news and maybe I'll be able to enjoy your movies again. But that is a big maybe.

Mishy's Rating: 3.5/10

Might You Recommend Me A Good Movie?

2006-12-29T23:12:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I'm bored at work (read: Monday to Friday, 9am - 5pm), I randomly click around on Wikipedia to see what articles comes up. Today brought me to pages about espionage and counter-intelligence. As a result of this, I have developed a sudden and undeniable urge to watch some really good spy movies. I'm talking about films like The Bourne Series, The Jack Ryan Series, Spy Game, etc.

Other than these and the Mission Impossible and Bond films (which I don't really care for), can you give me some suggestions for movies to rent that will quench my thirst for poison-tipped umbrellas, shoe phones and invisible ink?

Review: Little Miss Sunshine (2006)

2006-12-28T19:57:00.000-05:00

As I am a fan of dark comedies, I thoroughly enjoyed Little Miss Sunshine. Nothing like watching a crazy dysfunctional family story play out to make you feel better about your own. Especially over the holidays.

Frank (Steve Carell) has just tried to kill himself. Depressed over the fact that he was unsuccessful in his attempt, the psychiatric hospital has released him to the care of his sister, Sheryl (Toni Collette) with specific instructions to not leave him alone at any time. Frank will be living with her family for the next little while as he sorts out his life. Sheryl's husband Richard (Greg Kinnear) is an up-and-coming motivational speaker. Or at least he thinks he is. Richard has grand delusions of selling his Nine Step Plan to corporations while writing books to encourage people to stop sucking at life. After all, no one likes a loser. Their kids are Dwayne (Paul Dano) and Olive (Abigail Breslin). Dwayne is a teenager who lives and dies by Nietzsche's writings and who's greatest goal in life is to become a fighter jet pilot. He has decided not to utter a single word until he succeeds in this quest. It's been nine months of silence without an end in sight. Which may be for the best, seeing as Dwayne can be a bit of a downer. Olive is ten and the only thing that occupies her mind as of late is her desire to compete in pageants. She entered one on a lark a few months ago and ended up as the first runner up. Pageants have become all consuming for Olive. Rounding out the family is Richard's dad (Alan Arkin). Grandpa has been helping Olive out with her talent for the competition. He lives with the family since he was kicked out of his nursing home for his recreational cocaine usage.

After one pre-teen beauty queen was disqualified, Olive, as the newly-appointed winner, has a guaranteed spot in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. The only hitch is, it's this weekend and is over a thousand miles away. No problem, Sheryl and Olive will fly down. Except Richard says the family can't afford the airfare. He suggests they drive the old VW Bus. Except Sheryl can't drive stick. So Richard will drive them. But Frank can't be left alone and Grandpa and Dwayne aren't responsible enough to be his care givers for an entire weekend. So it's decided that everyone will pile into the bus and head out for a weekend road trip. All parties involved are dreading it. Well, everyone except Olive who is over the moon at the thought of getting on stage and competing again.

This trip ends up being anything but uneventful. Family members are at each others throats, Dwayne grows more resentful as each minute and each mile pass. Frank becomes more despondent and antagonizes Richard because of his perky, optimistic attitude. Richard is worried that Olive will lose the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. He won't have losers in his family. It just doesn't fit the perfect mould of his Nine Steps.

It's a long trip that the family barely survives. Some of them don't survive. Life altering information comes to light and relationships are forever changed. But through it all, the family begins to realize that turning to each other can get them through anything.

This was one of the funniest movies with one of the best casts I've seen in a long time. The little girl who plays Olive is priceless, the guy who plays Dwayne steals every scene even when he doesn't say a word and Steve Carell is unrecognizable. I didn't see him as "That Guy From The Office", which was surprising. And best of all is Toni Collette and Greg Kinnear as the married couple with seemingly nothing in common but a very deep love for each other. Complete with honest and touching scenes, this movie is a must rent if you want a break from the traditional over-produced, cookie-cutter Hollywood crap.

Mishy's Rating: 10/10

Review: Bon Cop, Bad Cop (2006)

2006-12-27T20:54:00.000-05:00

Did you know that Bon Cop, Bad Cop is Canada's first bilingual feature film? Well, at least that's what it claims to be. Did you also know that Canadian films traditionally take in an embarrassingly low amount of money compared to US films? No seriously. Bon Cop, Bad Cop is now the highest domestically grossing Canadian film. It made just over $14 million dollars. Canadian dollars. It's considered a national blockbuster. We don't do those Hundreds-Of-Millions-Of-Dollars movies. We prefer to be understated, you know?

I rented it yesterday to fill the few hours of Boxing Day that isn't taken up by naps and eating leftover turkey. And you know what? It wasn't great, but I definitely didn't hate it. I suppose that's not much of a build up for the movie, so let's try this one: It was entertaining, but a little too long. It had great elements but it got a little cheesy toward the end. All in all, I give it a solid "B".

This film begins with the super creepy murder of a businessman. Cut to his body being found by the police. The only catch is that both Quebec and Ontario Provincial Police have been called to the crime scene. Seems there are a few questions of jurisdiction, as the body was found literally hanging over the welcome sign placed at the Quebec/Ontario border. At this point, we are introduced to Det. Dave Bouchard (Patrick Huard), the reckless francophone cop and Det. Martin Ward (Colm Feore), the straight-laced Ontario officer. Right from the start they irritate each other. In attempting to figure out who has to deal with this case (after all, the victim's heart may be in Quebec, but his ass belongs to Ontario), their superiors assign them to work together to close this murder.

The bodies begin to pile up quickly as the two men continue to butt heads over cultural and personality differences. It's a good thing both men are fully bilingual, even if Dave thinks Ontarians are stuck-up, self-centred snobs and Martin thinks Quebecors are crass, chain-smoking jerks. They have to get past their biases in order to find this serial killer.

Bon Cop, Bad Cop has some great stuff. The English Canadian/French Canadian tension is played out to a tee. I laughed out loud on several occasions, especially when Dave and Martin end up getting high when they accidentally burn down the house full of pot plants. I think the regional humour used in the movie is that much more understandable to people who live in Ontario or Quebec, but in the end, does translate.

My only issue with the movie is the random hockey theme they threw in. I mean, really. We get it. It's Canadian. If the film makers wanted to have the murders revolve around hockey, fine. But c'mon. The way it was done was silly and in the end, didn't really make sense. This part could have been fleshed out and it wouldn't have come across as so amateurish.

Personally, I recommend Bon Cop Bad Cop just for the intriguing look into the interactions between Dave and Martin. But don't come back and tell me the movie sucked if all you're going to focus on is the murders. Because in Canada, we try not to focus on the big things. Like a plot.

Mishy's Rating: 7.5/10

Taking a Holiday Hiatus

2006-12-22T09:26:00.000-05:00

I'll be back before the New Year, but I have way too much to do before Monday, including a bunch of family stuff. I've got a review or two in the works for some Christmas classics and if I get a moment of peace during what I know will be utter insanity, I'll try to post them.

Happy holidays, everyone!

Mishy!

Company Christmas Gifts

2006-12-21T20:58:00.000-05:00

We, in our company's admin department have a saying that goes around to all new hires: If you are ever going to quit, make sure you do it in January. My company tends to be very generous to the support staff around the holidays. The way the company works is that everyone else gets admin presents, admin gets everyone else nothing. It rocks to be us. I love my job that much more around the holidays.

Last year, as a part-time receptionist, I received 11 bottles of wine, 8 gift baskets full of gourmet chocolates and cheese, and over three hundred dollars in gift certificates for local restaurants.

This year, I am a full-time employee and I have so far received two bottles of wine, 14 gift baskets full of spa stuff, three packages of perfume, $500 dollars in gift certificates for the mall, a gift certificate to get my hair cut and a huge and expensive make-up kit.

I'm wondering if after last Christmas, everyone realized their gifts turned the support staff into bloated, smelly drunks and wanted to do something to increase our personal hygiene and physical appearance with their presents this time around.

Mishy's Christmas Survey - 2006

2006-12-19T09:26:00.000-05:00

By way of Ffleur's blog, here goes my Christmas Survey. Enjoy!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg nog? Gross! Hot chocolate all the way.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? One year Santa tried to get away with unwrapped presents. But after there was so much talk between me and my brother about how lazy Santa is getting in his old age, all the years after they came wrapped. Santa now knows better.

3. Colo[u]red lights on tree/house? White lights. I'm not a fan of the colourful ones. They are too tack-tastic for my taste.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Never have.

5. When do you put your decorations up? The first weekend in December.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Homemade stuffing! I could eat just that and be so very happy.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: We used to go on a horse-drawn sleigh rides though town on Christmas Eve. Because living in the booneys has some perks.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I was in grade two. I told my dad I knew the truth and he made me promise not to tell my mom or brother about it because it would spoil their Christmas if they found out about it. I felt pretty important having such a big secret.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Never.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With fabric ribbon, white lights and shiney decorations. It's a grown up tree.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I like it up until New Years. Then it can be a balmy 24 or so degrees all Spring. Of course, if my wish came true, all the environmentalists would totally blame me for global warming.

12. Can you ice skate? I am the great shame of my hockey playing family. I just don't have the balance.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? One year my dad found an entire box (probably 30 or so) hardcover Nancy Drew books at a garage sale in the summer. He waited six months to give them to me, but it was an awesome present. I love Nancy Drew!

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? I agree with Ffleur. The time off work rocks. And when I'm in school, it means I survived the first semester.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Rum balls!

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? The Santa Clause Parade.

17. What tops your tree? It used to be an angel until she almost caught fire. Now it's just a big bow made of the ribbon that goes around the tree.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? I like giving gifts because I'm usually pretty good at finding things that people really want. I listen all year for clues.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Hands down it's Snoopy's Christmas. Go here to listen how Snoopy and The Red Baron hold a truce over Christmas.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yum!

Happy holidays, everyone!

Celebrities That Look Like Me?

2006-12-15T11:06:00.000-05:00

Or perhaps I look like them. I ran a photo of myself through MyHeritage (it's free!) and found out that I share some facial features with some A-list, B-List and C-List celebrities. Here is who I apparently look like, although with some of them, I'm just not buying it.

10. Eva Mendes with a 73% match. Uh, I'll take that. I don't see the resemblence, but I'll take it. Maybe it in the cheeks and lips, but I doubt people would confuse us for sisters. Unless we're sisters like Randy and Dennis Quaid are brothers. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

9. Angelina Jolie with a 73% match. Oh yeah, right! Sure. I don't think so, but hey... Brad, call me!

8. Tori Spelling with 74% match. Ummmmmm, no comment on my behalf because I'm too busy hanging my head in horror. And I'm adding this picture of Tori because it's so sex-ay. Go Tori. It's your birthday.

7. Lacey Chabert with a 74% match. You know, the littlest Salinger? The violin playing one? I'm starting to think this myheritage thing is broken. Did they actually scan my photo? I look nothing like her. Ah well, I could be matched with much worse (see Spelling, Tori).

6. Raven Simone with a 74% match. Hahaha... Really? I think they just took celebrities who have sorta puffy cheeks and matched them to my puffy cheeks. I can't believe I look like Olivia from The Cosby Show! Too funny.

5. Elisha Cuthbert with a 74% match. While I don't see (any) physical similarities, I added this photo because I have often found myself in Ms. Cuthbert's position. Wearing nothing but a scantily clad bra and too much eyeliner, freezing cold in a dingy, abandoned warehouse, forced to hug my breasts close together for warmth. Oh, how I feel her pain! Someone send her a scarf or something before the poor thing catches her death of cold!

4. Lalaine with a 75% match. After some detailed google searches, I have found out that Lalaine (no last name, she's the next Cher/Madonna) played the best friend on Lizzie McGuire. "Ooooohh... that Lalaine!" you say. Exactly. And no, we don't look alike.

3. Kate Bosworth with a 76% match. Um, I hope it's the pre-Nicole Ritchie stage she seems to be going through, because the last thing I am is skin and bones. It's gross. Because the current photos aren't very pretty, I'm posting one where she looked cute. Because yeah, I totally look like this. Every day, my friends. Every day.

2. Kelly Clarkson with a 77% match. Actually, yeah, I can sorta see it, at least more than the others. I have been told that I do kind of look like her. Well, once, by one person. But it's something, right? Again, with the cheeks and a little bit in the mouth.

1. Liv Tyler with a 79% match! Sounds good to me. Now only if other people saw it, right?

Final Verdict: I honestly believe they took celebrities who have (or had pre-eating disorder) some sort of baby-fat cheeks and just matched me up. Still, kinda cool. I give it a B- on accuracy.

Has anyone else done this? Better question: Which celebrity have you been told you look like?

P.S. I "borrowed" these images from Google. Please don't sue me. I'm not a jerk like Perez Hilton, promise!

Review: The Season Six "24" Trailer

2006-12-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

If you haven't gotten into "24" and you want to in the future, keep in mind this post contains some spoilers of previous seasons. I'm a responsible blogger this way.

I know the trailer for the new season of "24" has been available for some time, but I have to say, I'm still very impressed by it. However, keep in mind that I am often quite impressed by two minute montages of nothing but explosions, screaming, gunfire, and car chases. What can I say? I lead a simple life.

When we last left Jack Bauer, he was on a slow boat to China. Literally. The Chinese government, unimpressed that they were tricked into believing Jack was dead, kidnap him, throw him on a freighter and begin the excruciating torture process. Oh Jack Bauer... the zany situations you get yourself into.

The new trailer begins with a new series of attacks on the US. President Palmer (this time it's Wayne Palmer who is president, not his assassinated former President of the United States brother, David Palmer) getting word that the country is under attack. Wayne realizes there is only one man who can help control this situation. Of course. Jack.

Somehow, we see Jack step off a plane, bearded and haggard (he's obviously very tired from all that torture), being released by the Chinese government. Now, he's being asked by the president to commit to the ultimate sacrifice. His own life. Can't the dude maybe take a mini-vacation or perhaps go for a spa day before going to work? No? Ah well, he's Jack Bauer so he accepts, natch. Because he understands the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing. Today, he can die for something. It's so dramatic!

Cut to the explosions, gun fire and more torture. And oh my god: they take this fight to the subway! Jack Bauer has never defended the country underground! He reinvents himself every season. Always keeping it new and fresh, he's the Madonna of fighting terrorism. He understands he has to die as part of his mission, but he's going to kick some ass before he does.

My verdict: It makes me very excited for the sixth season. I'm not usually big into action movies or shows, but I do like the way "24" is done. The real time format is fast-paced and keeps me hooked. Plus, I do like staring at some Kiefer every week. He's a dreamboat.

Now I know, I know. There are the issues with the show. It's often very right leaning. The portrayal of middle eastern characters as terrorists is over the top. People wonder, "how does this guy go 24hrs without taking a pee break?" I notice these things. Critics notice these things. But once you're hooked, the show is worth it.

My only other issue with the show is that every year they hook me in with the premise that Jack Bauer is going to make the "ultimate sacrifice". He was supposed to pilot a plane with an activated nuclear bomb into the desert, but at the last minute he was saved. He became addicted to heroin just to get in with a drug cartel that almost killed him once his cover was blown. He disobeyed his superiors to remove a canister of nerve gas set to go off in order to protect the public. Every year, he gets a call from the President who says he must give his life, every year Jack says "Yes sir, Mr. President", and yet, like a cat, he survives. Which is why, when I see this trailer, I don't understand why they say he'll make the "ultimate sacrifice". No he won't. He's Jack freakin' Bauer and I suspect he may be part robot. But FOX wants us to get all, "OOOOOohhhhhh... can you believe it?!?! Jack is going to die this season!!"

That being said, after watching this, after watching this I'm all, "OOOOOohhhhhh... can you believe it?!?! Jack is going to die this season!!"

Review: Home for the Holidays (1995)

2006-12-11T20:07:00.000-05:00

I know that I said that I was going to be reviewing Christmas movies in December but I couldn't resist with this movie. Home for the Holidays stars Holly Hunter as Claudia Larson, a single mom returning to her parent's house for Thanksgiving. In the past week, she lost her job, slept with her ex-boss and found out that her sixteen year old daughter has decided not to join her mother for the holiday because she plans on losing her virginity. Claudia is not in a good place.

Feeling the need for some support, she makes a desperate plea to her brother's answering machine, begging him to drive hundreds of miles to join her, their parents, their sister and her family and crazy Aunt Gladys for dinner. Claudia is the first to arrive, leaving her to fend for herself until the rest of them get there. After making it through the evening of her mother's questions ("What are you doing with your life?", "Why are you wasting your talent as a painter?", "Why did you have to move all the way to Chicago? We never see you anymore!"), she goes to bed, praying to just make it though tomorrow night's dinner.

In the middle of the night, she's suddenly awake. Her brother Tommy arrives in his usual indiscrete fashion. And he brings company. Tommy (Robert Downey Jr.) and Leo "Go Fish" Fish (Dylan McDermott) are new co-workers. But the question running though Claudia's mind is why Tommy is bringing Leo to Thanksgiving. Last she heard, he was dating Jack. What happened to Jack? No one ever tells her anything anymore.

The next day, Tommy, Leo and Claudia go to pick up crazy Aunt Gladys from her apartment for dinner. Soon after sister Joanne (Cynthia Stevenson) and her husband Walter (Steve Guttenberg) arrive with their kids. Joanne is a type-A personality, complete with her type-A family, in a sea of live-and-let-live people. She hates her brother because he's gay, she dislikes her sister because she's carefree, and her parents have become more a burden than a comfort in her life. Needless to say, with all these opposing personalities coming together for dinner, it will make for an interesting night.

Home for the Holidays is a great holiday movie. Yes, it does take place over a Thanksgiving, but I think its the idea of a crazy family coming home for a long holiday that makes it work now. The cast is great, with this movie featuring another fantastic performance by Robert Downey Jr. (seriously, who doesn't love this guy?), some very sexy chemistry between Holly Hunter and Dylan McDermott, and some unexpected good acting from Steve Guttenberg (yeah him... who knew that the Three Men and a Baby star had it in him?).

During the course of this movie, several questions arise. What happened between Tommy and Jack? Why is Joanne such a stick in the mud? Did Claudia's sixteen year old daughter have sex with her boyfriend? What's up with the chemistry between Claudia and Leo? And will the family survive Thanksgiving and make it back for Christmas?

My money is on "probably not", but hey, if my family can keep coming back for more, than anyone can do it. And really, isn't grinning-and-bearing it what the holidays are all about? According to my mother, Christmas isn't complete without The Annual Extended Family Passive-Aggressive Turkey Dinner, where pain killers are optional and wine is a requirement. Because the holidays are nothing without tradition, right?

Take Note: This WILL Be On The Final Exam

2006-12-06T22:49:00.000-05:00

A-Available/Single? Why yes. Yes, I am.

B-Best Friend? Rebecca and Lisa.

C-Cake or Pie? Pie. Cake is too sweet and only for special occasions.

D-Drink Of Choice? I drink way too much White Cranberry Juice. White is less acidic than the red kind.

E-Essential Item You Use Everyday? My computer. I'm a giant nerd.

F-Favorite Color? Orange.

G-Gummy Bears Or Worms? Bears are much cooler than worms. Duh.

H-Hometown? The same place I am right now. ~sigh~

I-Indulgence? My daily coffee.

J-January Or February? I'm like a bear. Wake me up in spring.

K-Kids & Their Names? Nada.

L-Life Is Incomplete Without? A long, hot bath every night. Well, I try for almost every night. Man, I'm such a grandma sometimes.

M-Marriage Date? Um... not applicable.

N-Number Of Siblings? One little bro.

O-Oranges Or Apples? Peeled, sliced apples.

P-Phobias/Fears? I am beyond afraid of being alone in my house because I watched a lot of Unsolved Mysteries and America's Most Wanted during my formative years.

Q-Favorite Quote? "The best revenge is living well."

R-Reason to Smile? Because it makes the cute guy across the street smile back.

S-Season? Fall

T-Tag Three or Four People? This is a guilt-free, shame-free, pressure-free blog. If you want to do it, be my guest!

U-Unknown Fact About Me? The smell of eggs cooking makes my stomach turn. I have to leave the room.

V-Vegetable you don't like? Yams, Squash, Peas.

W-Worst Habit? Cracking my knuckles.

X-X-rays You've Had? Arm, both feet, neck, back, shoulder. But I've never broken a bone.

Y-Your Favorite Food? Kraft Dinner. Mmmm...

Z-Zodiac Sign? Taurus. Don't even bother fighting with me. Even if I'm wrong, I'll never back down. But I hear stubbornness is totally hot this season.

Review: Trapped in Paradise (1994)

2006-12-04T21:04:00.000-05:00

Who loves Christmas movies? Ooooohh! Ooohhh! OOOOHHH! It's me! I love Christmas movies. Which is why I am going to review a bunch in December. Hold on to your socks. This blog may overdose on holiday cheer if I'm not careful.

Starting this theme off, we have the 1994 classic film, Trapped in Paradise. Featuring Nicolas Cage before he got super creepy, Jon Lovitz before his career stalled and Dana Carvey before his career died as the Firpo brothers, the movie starts off with Bill Firpo (Cage) picking up Dave and Alvin after they get released from prison. Dave (Lovitz) and Alvin (Carvey) are small time thieves, running scams and pickpocketing people to earn their meager living. Bill is the more responsible brother, a manager of a successful restaurant in New York.

Once his brothers are back living at their mother's place, they turn Bill's life upside down. Convincing him that they need to do a good deed by finding one of their ex-prisonmate's daughter by traveling to Paradise, Pennsylvania, they pile in the car, break parole and travel across statelines. Just another Christmas for the dysfunctional Firpo family.

Once in Paradise, they begin see just how lax the law enforcement is in the town. The police department is a joke. The volunteer deputies are bumbling idiots. Crime doesn't exist in Paradise, and therefore, Paradise is not prepared for crime. Paradise also isn't prepared for the Firpo brothers coming into town.

The First National Bank of Paradise seems to be an especially easy mark. Which is exactly why it doesn't take much convincing by Dave and Alvin to get Bill in on the plan. They are going to rob the bank. Never mind that Bill has started to fall for the girl they originally came to look for. Oh, and she's a mobster's daughter.

After a few glitches that could only happen in a small town like Paradise, the trio manage to get the cash and get out of the bank. Now it's time to get the hell out of Dodge and spend their new found windfall. You know, if they could actually get out of Dodge. The gods, fate, karma, timing and a snowstorm seem to be getting in the way. Oh, did I mention the money they stole was marked to go to a children's Christmas fund? Yeah... how's that for some guilt?

Will the Firpo brothers take the money and run or will the Christmas spirit convince them they need to do the right thing? Or will they end up killing each other because they grate on each other's nerves? It's a toss-up towards the end, but it's still one of my favourite holiday movies.